c          ROUND 1          ROUND 2          ROUND 3          COMBATANTS          FIGHT CLUB 2020-2021

THE RETURN OF FIGHT CLUB
The Fight Just Got Fightier.

 ROUND 1

DAY 1 - Aug. 05, 2022
Currently playing outside the beach bar: click here.

Fight 1 - (38) Chatterbox vs (45) Shiny

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* Dice Roll 1 *


(38) Chatterbox rolls 6

(45) Shiny rolls 6

Shiny flops his way into the arena, flipping himself over repeatedly in order to move. He doesn't know where his opponent is but he is overwhelmed with joy at his surroundings. Chatterbox feels himself being pulled in all directions by the multitude of beings in the crowd only to be blocked from entering their minds by a psychic barrier. He finds himself being funnelled towards a giant toilet brush of all things.

The crowd are getting restless, unsure of exactly what is happening in the arena.

** Dice Roll 2 *


(38) Chatterbox rolls 9

(45) Shiny rolls 8

Chatterbox takes up residence in Shiny's mind and finds his surroundings rather cramped. As the toilet brush new subconscious, he senses the fear of whirlpools and starts influencing the brush to head towards the giant toilet.

* * Dice Roll 3 *


(38) Chatterbox rolls 8

(45) Shiny rolls 3

Shiny flips itself up and into the toilet, admiring just how clean it is. His subconscious starts nagging him that there may be fecal matter hidden under the rim and he should give it a flush just in case. Not being bright enough to realise the precariousness of his situation, Shiny duly obliges. Panic takes over as his newly found subconscious deserts him and he finds himself being sucked down and around the u-bend of the toilet by a whirlpool of water.

Chatterbox leaves the arena as the victor as a bemused crowd looks on. Shiny appears in a beachside bar, wringing wet. There is a band playing outside.

Fight 2 - (85) Laser Lad vs (41) Elemental Battle Golem

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"Next to enter are (85) Laser Lad through the left gate, a human from the future with the power to use light for devastating purposes.
His opponent is (41) Elemental Battle Golem courtesy of the right gate, a powerful construct from Tulla, City of Mages,"

Again the Valkyrie swoop down to lift the crowd as the arena reconfigures itself. The arena is now flat but also completely dark barring the areas around six tall columns which have powerful lights atop them.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(85) Laser Lad rolls 5

(41) Elemental Battle Golem rolls 8

Laser Lad hurries to one of the pillars, not comfortable in the otherwise dark surroundings. He sees a tall and imposing golem come stomping into the arena.

Looking at the bright light above him, Laser Lad feels his confidence return. He draws power from the lights on top of all six columns and focuses them into a powerful beam that he directs at the golem.

Elemental Battle Golem is rocked back on his heels as the beam hits him. He feels his body absorb the attack, then with an almighty roar he sends the beams back to their sources, shattering the lights and leaving the arena in total darkness.

Laser Lad cowers as the mighty golem stomps over to his huddled form before promptly sitting on him and squishing the human into a pulp.

Elemental Battle Golem leaves with a big grin on his face as the crowd goes wild.
Laser Lad finds himself in a well lit Fair Dinkum's Watering Hole by the beach.

Fight 3 - (81) Rude Rooster vs (34) Natura

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"Through the left gate we have (81) Rude Rooster, an overweight bird who I swear just flipped me off!
Entering through the right gate comes (34) Natura, an amorphous entity from god knows where."

The Valkyrie return as the arena is transformed into a giant barnyard complete with dive bar in one corner.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(81) Rude Rooster rolls 4

(34) Natura rolls 5

The fat chicken walks forward, swearing and spitting at the crowd as he goes. Natura approaches, morphing into a good natured caricature of his opponent as he does.
This riles Rude Rooster no end.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(81) Rude Rooster rolls 10

(34) Natura rolls 6

Rude Rooster feels his legendarily bad temper rising and lets out a high pitched scream at his smiling mirror image opponent.
Natura absorbs the attack on his shield of love but seeing the burning desire to win in the roosters eyes, the entity uses his "Good luck my friend!" ability to give up the fight and wish the best in future fights to Rude Rooster.

Rude Rooster struts out of the arena ignoring the boos as he goes.
Natura is outside a bar on the beach listening to the music.

DAY 2 - Aug. 06, 2022
Currently playing outside the beach bar: click here.

Fight 4 - (29) Gunvald vs (35) P-AE00FF

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"On day 2 our first combatant is (29) Gunvald, a brave Viking warrior here to restore his family's honour. His opponent is (35) P-AE00FF, a sentient alien lifeform that is a living shade of purple dependant upon light to exist."

The arena rearranges itself into a rugged, icy landscape. The three suns rays of light bounce blindingly off the tundra.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(29) Gunvald rolls 4

(35) P-AE00FF rolls 7

Gunvald enters with a grim determination etched on his face, banging his axe against his shield to intimidate any who would face him.
P-AE00FF, always curious, scouts the arena. The suns bright rays pass through the purple shade causing it to unwittingly emit a radiation burst that fries an unfortunate Valkyrie who is struggling to return a bulky alien to its seat.

At the sound of a scream from above, Gunvald looks up to see a two ton bulky mass descending towards him at speed.
"By Odin's beard..." he grumbles just as the alien monstrosity lands squashing him into the ground.

P-AE00FF leaves the arena to explore some more.
Gunvald is in a beach bar vowing that one day his family shall land a blow in the accursed Fight Club arena.

A shadowy figure grumbles about contestants vaporising his beloved Valkyries.

Fight 5 - (37) Radaggarb the Unclean vs (22) Colonel Ben K'Neill

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"From the left comes (37) Radaggarb the Unclean, a being so filthy and obnoxious that an entire race of Nostriloctopuses committed suicide to be free of his unbearable odour.

Opposing is (22) Colonel Ben K'Neill a cocky but brilliant military leader, not to be confused with an equally cocky but far less capable Captain Zapp Brannigan who he shares an uncanny physical resemblance too."

The arena clunks and clangs as it transforms itself into a rubbish dump.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(37) Radaggarb the Unclean rolls 8

(22) Colonel Ben K'Neill rolls 11

The hulking Radaggarb takes great pleasure from the projectile vomiting from the crowd as he makes his way towards the centre of the arena. He flashes a grin to show off his vile black teeth.
With a peg placed firmly on his nose, Colonel Ben K'Neill taunts his adversary.
"The key to victory is the element of surprise. Surprise!" he yells before lobbing a bar of soap at his startled opponent.
"Your face has been declared a weapon of mass disgusting!"

As the smell starts to become unbearable Ben yells into his radio "Call me cocky, but if there’s an alien out there, I can’t kill. I haven’t met him and killed him yet. But I can’t go in alone. That’s why I’m ordering every available ship to report for duty. Anyone without a ship should secure a weapon and fire soapy water at my coordinates now!"

Dozens of ships appear above the arena to blast Radaggarb the Unclean with gallons of scented water, causing him to dissolve into a puddle of murky gunk with a pained scream.

Colonel Ben K'Neill teleports out of the arena to rapturous applause.
Radaggarb the Unclean is chilling by the dumpsters round the back of a beach bar while listening to a cod sing.

Fight 6 - (73) Lady Mindy vs (50) Fighting for Dummies

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"Next up we have (73) Lady Mindy, a powerful psychic. Opposing is (50) Fighting for Dummies, an evil book that enslaves the brave but dim who read it."

The arena transforms into a giant library with a crystal ball in the middle.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(73) Lady Mindy rolls 5

(50) Fighting for Dummies rolls 9

Lady Mindy makes her way towards the crystal ball thinking to use it to enhance her powers. As she approaches, a book on the ground flips open with an evil cackling sound to a page with three unfortunate beings on it.
These beings take form in the library as two humans and one ogre, all with glazed expressions on their faces.

Lady Mindy quickly enters the minds of the two humans, looking to modify them to break free from the accursed book and fight on her side. She yells exultantly as she succeeds only to remember the Ogre at the last second as it looms large over her.
"Sorry purty lady" slurs the behemoth with its club raised high "but me smash now" - WHUMP!

(50) Fighting for Dummies cackles evilly as he is carried out of the arena by his ensorcelled Ogre slave.
(73) Lady Mindy is in Fair Dinkum's Watering Hole doing a reading for a giant toilet brush.

DAY 3 - Aug. 07, 2022

Fight 7 - (3) 1H1K-EZ9000 vs (49) Coral

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"First to enter the arena is (3) 1H1K-EZ9000, robotic space warship swooping down from the sky. Opposing is (49) Coral, a Siren with a devastating voice."

The arenas mechanisms crank into motion and it turns into a lake with a metallic island in the middle.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(3) 1H1K-EZ9000 rolls 3

(49) Coral rolls 10

Having just returned from annihilating the inhabitants of the Tadpole Galaxy, 1H1K-EZ9000 feels confident about dealing with another aquatic foe.
Coral has other ideas having been told of the ships weakness by a Tadpole survivor, swimming around the island she launches her attack with a powerful rendition of one of the worst songs known to mankind: click here to listen.

The autotune combined with the screeching voice are too much for 1H1K-EZ9000 who is helpless as his circuits fry causing a catastrophic system failure.

(49) Coral smiles at the sight of several members of the crowd collapsed with bleeding eardrums as she swims out of the arena.
(3) 1H1K-EZ9000 is parked up by a beach bar where the music is more to his liking.

Fight 8 - (27) Tanya vs (42) Human Cannonball

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"Through the left gate comes (27) Tanya, a tall and lanky fluteress much loved by nature. Pushing a large canon into the arena from the right is (42) Human Cannonball."

The arena is transformed into lush grassland lined with oak trees.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(27) Tanya rolls 7

(42) Human Cannonball rolls 8

Tanya smiles and brings her flute up to her red lips. Hurriedly, Human Cannonball lights the fuse on his cannon and climbs inside. Without much time to aim properly he is fired towards his opponent, landing a glancing blow to knock her off balance.
Puffing, Human Cannonball runs back to his canon.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(27) Tanya rolls 3

(42) Human Cannonball rolls 7

Tanya quickly brings her flute back to her mouth calling on the trees to protect her. Branches stretch in front of her to form a barricade.
Human Cannonball stuffs extra gun powder into the cannon and straightens his helmet. With a grin he fires out straight at Tanya, smashing through her protection to send her flying clear of the arena.

(42) Human Cannonball bows repeatedly to the crowd, milking the applause before dragging his cannon back out the gate.
(27) Tanya is sat at the bar ignoring a Viking complaining about the injustice of the tournament.

Fight 9 - (14) Lift Racy vs (52) Tilapia

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"I give you (14) Lift Racy, the fastest forklift truck in existence! His opponent is (52) Tilapia a fishy denizen of Cthulhu."

The arena transforms into a lake crisscrossed by multiple roads.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(14) Lift Racy rolls 5

(52) Tilapia rolls 6

Lift Racy races back and forth across the roads showing how fast he is. As he races ahead a large eel is thrown into his path from the lake causing him to brake and almost crash into the water.

* Dice Roll 2*


(14) Lift Racy rolls 8

(52) Tilapia rolls 9

Lift Racy looks to see a buff Tilapia staring at him from the waters surface. The fish then speeds over to the road edge and with unnatural strength, he starts shaking the concrete structure almost toppling the forklift into the lake.

* Dice Roll 3 *


(14) Lift Racy rolls 6

(52) Tilapia rolls 7

Tilapia summons a sharknado which chases the forklift up and down the road. It takes all of Lift Racy's driving skills to keep clear of the whirling doom.

Having been hit with three minor blows, (14) Lift Racy receives - 1 to his next dice throw.

* Dice Roll 4 *


(14) Lift Racy rolls 12 - 1 = 11

(52) Tilapia rolls 6

Getting fed-up with being pushed around by a fish, Lift Racy speeds out of the arena to a nearby warehouse. He races back with his four prongs loaded with crates full of tangelos.
He launches these at the now panic stricken fish. Tilapia screams for Cthulhu to save him before going into cardiac arrest as the citrus fruit bobs all around him.

(14) Lift Racy zooms up and down the road in celebration before leaving the arena.
(52) Tilapia is in the ocean trying to persuade a cod and some blue whales to help him summon his God.

DAY 4 - Aug. 08, 2022
The band plays: click here

Fight 10 - (23) Rolf the Mutated Hedgehog vs (75) Gologomir Vitalis The Squad Killer

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"On the left we have (23) Rolf the Mutated Hedgehog, the little guy with spaghetti in place of his quills. Opposite is (75) Gologomir Vitalis The Squad Killer, a brutal and tough Vesk Mercenary. Looks a bit of a mismatch this one."

The arena transforms itself into an Italian restaurant much to Gologomir's confusion.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(23) Rolf the Mutated Hedgehog rolls 4

(75) Gologomir Vitalis The Squad Killer rolls 5

Rolf tries to blend in with the pasta dishes scattered about the place only to let out a little 'eep' as a laser battle axe swishes overhead taking some of his spaghetti with it.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(23) Rolf the Mutated Hedgehog rolls 2

(75) Gologomir Vitalis The Squad Killer rolls 6

Rolf makes a run for it but is scooped up between two thick slices of bread.
"I like my spaghetti to be meaty" is the last thing Rolf hears as mighty jaws close around his head.

Gologomir smacks his lips appreciatively as he exits the arena.
Rolf is at the bar and heaves a sigh of relief after checking that his head is where it should be.

Fight 11 - (44) Rolly vs (11) Julia

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"That is (44) Rolly you see wobbling his way in. He is of mixed rock/ jelly heritage. His opponent, the imposing (11) Julia who is the protege of the purple monkey that bested Rolly's father in the previous Fight Club. This is a real grudge match."

* Dice Roll 1 *


(44) Rolly rolls 10

(11) Julia rolls 4

Julia practises her Drunken Monkey Kung Fu, confident of besting her gelatinous opponent. A familiar smell wafts her way causing a painful longing to form in her stomach.
Rolly smiles as he emits the aroma of mandarin oranges and watches it draw closer the unwitting human.
"This is for you dad" he whispers to himself as Julia is entrapped in his now solidified slime trail.
"Monkeys suck!" Rolly shouts as his right hand takes the form of a frying pan and he proceeds to batter Julia around the head.

Rolly leaves the arena with his chest puffed out with pride at having restored his family honour.
Julia is in the beach bar nursing a stonking headache.

Fight 12 - (19) Glanan Nightheart vs (60) Wild Tornado

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The shadowy figure raises his hands ready to smite the Dwarf entering through the left gate until he realises it is not the same one that has pursued him across the cosmos.

"On your left we have (19) Glanan Nightheart, stubborn, sturdy and greedy as all Dwarves are. From the right comes (60) Wild Tornado, a wizard who had best rid me of yet another bothersome Dwarf or he may find himself vacationing in my dungeon rather than the beach bar."

The arena takes the form of a cave.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(19) Glanan Nightheart rolls 8

(60) Wild Tornado rolls 9

Wild Tornado wiggles his fingers behind his back to conjure the illusion of a leprechaun which races across the arena in front of the Dwarf.
Glanan startled, stops scratching the wart on the end of his large nose and chases after it. "Get back here and give me yer pot of gold before I wring yer bloody neck!" he shouts. "I got ya now!" he jumps for the little Irish fairy only for it to disappear and he instead jumps head first into the cave wall.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(19) Glanan Nightheart rolls 5

(60) Wild Tornado rolls 10

Wild Tornado transforms himself into wind and also casts illusions of pots of gold with laughing leprechauns by them all around the cave.
With the legendary stubbornness of the Dwarven race, Glanan races for the nearest pot of gold hooting and hollering as he goes. As he gets closes the wizard/wind picks him up and throws him into the wall with all his might.
Glanan shakes his head and immediately starts running for the next pot of gold only to have the same thing happen again.
This happens for the next two hours until the stubborn Dwarf is finally knocked unconscious. Wild Tornado resumes his human form, panting and completely exhausted from his efforts.

Wild Tornado staggers out of the arena glad to have not angered the shadowy figure.
Glanan Nightheart is at the bar, determined to find the real pot of gold is.

DAY 5 - Aug. 09, 2022
The band plays: click here

Fight 13 - (7) Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner vs (51) fiery Marble8

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"Trundling into the arena from the left is, (7) Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner the giant mini cleaner truck. Throwing himself in from the right is (51) fiery Marble8, a marble coloured d20 dice with an attitude."

The arena transforms into a road laden dining table.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(7) Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner rolls 3

(51) fiery Marble8 rolls 3

Marge heads towards Marble8 with her brushes going like the clappers. The Dice rolls himself scoring a 15 and causing the road to bend back upon itself in front of the Mini Cleaner, sending her back the way she came.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(7) Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner rolls 10

(51) fiery Marble8 rolls 4

Marge honks her horn and speeds towards the dice again. Marble8 rolls himself to only score a lowly 4. Cursing he finds himself stuck in a pile of eraser shavings only to be swept up and dumped over the edge of the table by the honking truck.

Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner transforms into a robot and stomps out of the arena.
fiery Marble8 is running a betting ring at the beach bar.

Fight 14 - (83) Scott Arnold vs (67) Jumberlack

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"Returning to fight club we have (83) Scott Arnold, a tall bank manager with the ability of ‘event negation’. If he doesn't train me in the way of his power, he will have to negate his own long and painful death.
Opposing is (67) Jumberlack, a former lumberjack turned firefighter."

The arena transforms into a forest with a quaint cottage in the middle.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(83) Scott Arnold rolls 11

(67) Jumberlack rolls 6

Jumberlack strides towards his opponent, axe in hand and confident smile on his face.
Scott studies his foe and with great concentration traces back time to the moment when Jumberlack turned his back on chopping trees and chose to fight fires instead.
He sees Jumberlack with his pants down in the woods, answering the call of nature. Sneaking up behind is a mama bear with two cubs in tow, a branch clasped between her paws. What happens next is too horrible to describe but at least it explains the way he walks now.

Scott uses his ‘event negation’ power to remove the bears from the incident, instead replacing them with a fluffy bunny that snuggles up to Jumberlack's leg.
As such Jumberlack never changes profession to become a fire fighter and never feels the need to enter fight club.

Scott Arnold leaves the arena while warily watching the shadows.
Jumberlack is in a bar with a puzzled expression on his face and surrounded by a weird assortment of characters.

Fight 15 - (79) Triock Ulagolor vs (77) Gigantic Wolf

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"That is (79) Triock Ulagolor whistling an elvish tune to himself entering from the left. An Elven Paladin and renowned dungeoneer. The howling you hear is from (77) Gigantic Wolf, entering through the right gate. I don't remember there being so many Werewolves in the audience."

The arena again takes the form of a forest.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(79) Triock Ulagolor rolls 6

(77) Gigantic Wolf rolls 7

Triock draws his legendary sword Riarwirn and faces the canine opposite. A Werewolf under the mental command of Gigantic Wolf jumps from the crowd and slashes Triock across the back.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(79) Triock Ulagolor rolls 8

(77) Gigantic Wolf rolls 5

As more Werewolves emerge from the crowd and Gigantic Wolf advances, salivating, Triock starts to sing an ancient elvish charm song. Dozens of Valkyrie swoop down from the sky to pluck up the werewolves and deposit them in a nearby volcano.
Gigantic Wolf watches them go with puzzlement before turning an accusatory look towards the shadowy ringmaster, who merely shrugs in response.

While the wolf is distracted, Triock Ulagolor strides forward to bring his fiery sword down upon the beasts neck, severing the head.

Triock Ulagolor leaves the arena while blowing kisses to his winged helpers. The Shadowy figure is not happy with this and contemplates castrating the cocky Elf with his own sword.
Gigantic Wolf is curled up in front of the fire in the beach bar.

DAY 6 - Aug. 10, 2022
Playing is: click here

Fight 16 - (13) Glenfiddich McCadbury vs (61) an encyclopedia

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"(13) Glenfiddich McCadbury is wearing a fetching bright yellow raincoat. Opposite, laying on the ground, is (61) an encyclopedia. Looking around the arena, I doubt that most of you even know what that is."

The arena takes on a plain, concrete form.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(13) Glenfiddich McCadbury rolls 6

(61) an encyclopedia rolls 6

Glenfiddich belches fire as he circles the book, unsure what to make of it. The encyclopedia lies there being all book like.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(13) Glenfiddich McCadbury rolls 3

(61) an encyclopedia rolls 6

Glenfiddich looks around the arena but when he turns back to an encyclopedia, it is gone. He spots a bookshelf stood in a corner that he doesn't remember seeing before. He approaches cautiously, stroking the fine oak frame.
Suddenly, from atop the bookshelf tumbles an encyclopedia to strike Glenfiddich in the head and split it like a melon, splattering blood all down his raincoat.

Glenfiddich McCadbury is sat at the bar, drinking scotch like its nobodies business.
An encyclopedia leaves the arena by... flipping itself over and over? Bouncing? Flying, hell, I don't know how a book is supposed to move!

Fight 17 - (26) Borellus de Castres vs (8) Lenny The Backup Superhero

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"On the left we have (26) Borellus de Castres, a brilliant french alchemist with a penchant for summoning homunculus.
On the right is (8) Lenny The Backup Superhero, cape fluttering in the wind."
Several lawyers take out their notebooks and watch Lenny like hawks.

The arena changes to a downtown street scene.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(26) Borellus de Castres rolls 7

(8) Lenny The Backup Superhero rolls 3

Lenny, deciding a super villain is needed more than a superhero, runs into a nearby phonebooth and spins around rapidly before emerging as - Ricky Spanish!
Flick knife in hand and evil grin on face, Lenny bears down on the Frenchman.
Borellus decides to fight fire with fire and summons the king of all homunculus, Rogu as Rogu Spanish!

Rogu leaps onto Ricky's (Lenny) back and promptly slits his throat before declaring very slowly - "Rogu the daddy now!"

For those who don't get the Ricky Spanish/ Rogu Spanish reference - click here

Borellus de Castres leaves the arena with Rogu waddling by his side.
Lenny The Backup Superhero is in the bar chatting to Batman on his phone.

Fight 18 - (17) Mors the Plaguebearer vs (66) Nightwave

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"I notice a lot of you in the audience scratching frantically. You can thank (17) Mors the Plaguebearer, giant rat and his many fleas for that. His foe is the metahuman, (66) Nightwave, poisonous lasso in hand."

The arena transforms into a sewer.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(17) Mors the Plaguebearer rolls 5

(66) Nightwave rolls 4

As the human advances while spinning his lasso in the air, Mors summons a plague of locusts to knock him of balance. As a bonus, the locusts proof to be a further nuisance to the crowd, even devouring several plant based lifeforms.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(17) Mors the Plaguebearer rolls 10

(66) Nightwave rolls 3

Getting annoyed with the harassment of his paying patrons, the shadowy ringmaster summons a hail storm to drive off the locust swarm.
Nightwave wails "Nooooooo" as the ice storm befuddles his senses allowing the giant rat to bear him down and end the fight.
The shadowy figure looks a bit sheepish as he says a quiet "whoops".

(17) Mors the Plaguebearer scurries out of the arena.
(66) Nightwave is ordering a drink at the bar, hold the ice.

DAY 7 - Aug. 11, 2022
Playing outside is: click here

Fight 19 - (62) Skeletinio vs (4) Gerald of Red Deer

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"That is (62) Skeletinio running into the arena in his yellow and green jersey. A short skeleton who thought he was signing up to a football match, there is a mysterious floating ball next to him.
Entering from the right is (4) Gerald of Red Deer, one of the surprise successes of the last fight club. A saltwater fisherman who has never actually gone fishing in his life."

The arena transforms into a football pitch with a lake cutting through the middle of it.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(62) Skeletinio rolls 10

(4) Gerald of Red Deer rolls 7

Gerald gingerly crosses a wooden bridge over the lake, nervously eyeing the fish swimming in it. He approaches the skeleton that is currently playing keepy-uppy with a football.
"Pardon me buddy, but you look like a hoser to be on the pogey in that shirt. What are you all aboot anyway, eh?"

Skeletinio replies without looking up "Well I don't know what any of that means but have you heard the story about the 'Hand of God'?"
The Canadian looks at him in puzzlement, fishing rod in his grasp.
"Lets relive the moment!" Skeletinio says excitedly. "I'll cross the ball and you punch it into the goal which definitely, 100% is not cheating, ok?"

Skeletinio kicks the ball with ferocity at the confused Canadian who looks on with a blank expression as the ball smacks him in the side of the head and knocks him back into the lake.
Gerald surfaces with a fish in his mouth and clutches at his throat as it swells up. All the while Skeletinio runs around the arena with his shirt pulled over his head while shouting "Goooaaaalllllllllllll..." as the crowd goes wild.

Skeletinio exits the way he entered.
Gerald of Red Deer is outside a beach bar trying to muster the courage to take his fishing rod to the ocean.

Fight 20 - (72) Faux-Spoilerman vs (53) Sinister

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"That is (72) Faux-Spoilerman entering through the left gate. I don't know what he whispered to that excited little alien in the wheelchair but he's bawling his eyes out now. This guy loves to spoil things for people so if you are looking forward to something, keep well away from him.
Opposing is (53) Sinister, the kickboxer with four (left) feet and no hands."

The arena changes to a movie theatre complete with big screen showing the latest Alien Rocky movie.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(72) Faux-Spoilerman rolls 7

(53) Sinister rolls 8

Faux-Spoilerman laughs "I just told that alien kid what sucky present his parents have got him for his birthday. Was I telling the truth or not? Who cares, his day is ruined!"
Sinister tears his eyes from the movie just long enough to give Faux a dig in the ribs, leaving him breathless and putting an end to his annoying laughter.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(72) Faux-Spoilerman rolls 9

(53) Sinister rolls 10

Faux gasps for breath and glares at his opponent. "Boy, you're really excited to see this film aren't you? Well let me tell you..." before he can finish what he has to say, Sinister delivers a kick to the mouth leaving Faux-Spoilerman bloody and minus a couple of teeth.

* Dice Roll 3 *


(72) Faux-Spoilerman rolls 7

(53) Sinister rolls 5

Now annoyed, Faux-Spoilerman blurts out "the operation you have booked to replace two of your feet with normal hands will go horribly wrong, giving you crabs claws instead!"
Sinister looks at him with a shocked expression on his face.
Faux-Spoilerman smiles to himself knowing the truth.

* Dice Roll 4 *


(72) Faux-Spoilerman rolls 9

(53) Sinister rolls 4

(72) Faux-Spoilerman sensing it is time to strike and noticing that the whole crowd are watching the movie rather than him, shouts for everyone to hear how the universes most hotly anticipated film ends.
"Alien Rocky at the ripe old age of 348 hangs up his gloves just before he is due to fight Clubfooted Lang to reunite all the Universes belts. Instead he becomes a lollypop man and helps school kids cross the road safely. The end."

Faux smiles at the audible groan from the audience. Boos sound out as rotten fruit descends in the master spoiler-mans direction.
He looks to Sinister who has his head held between two of his feet looking distraught.
"I've waited years to see this film and that's how it ends?" he wails.
Sinister slumps to the ground and curls up into a ball.

Faux-Spoilerman strolls out of the arena ignoring the boos and vulgar language hurled his way.
Sinister is at the bar psyching himself up for his operation next week.

Fight 21 - (21) Bernard Rumpelstiltskin vs (63) The Scrivener

vs

"The young looking human entering from the left is (21) Bernard Rumpelstiltskin and is actually 113 years old. That's mages for you. From the right comes (63) The Scrivener. What do you mean you can't see it? Oh yeah, he is an invisible shapeshifter."

The arena takes the form of the tavern that Bernard left without paying his tab.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(21) Bernard Rumpelstiltskin rolls 6

(63) The Scrivener rolls 7

Not liking his surroundings, Bernard sends a lightening bolt in the direction he heard movement. The Scrivener transforms into a mirror, becoming visible in doing so, and sends the bolt back to whence it came.
Bernard's magic armour absorbs most of the electricity but his hair stands on end.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(21) Bernard Rumpelstiltskin rolls 10

(63) The Scrivener rolls 6

Bernard uses his magic to mould the shapeshifter into his own likeness. The Scrivener fights against it with all his will knowing that his body cannot cope with taking a human form.
The act tears The Scrivener apart who dissolves into nothing.

Bernard Rumpelstiltskin exits the arena hurriedly just in case the innkeeper turns up looking for his money.
The Scrivener is in the beach bar having taken the form of a chair. He is hopping no-one too heavy sits on him.

DAY 8 - Aug. 12, 2022
The band plays on: click here

Fight 22 - (69) Soichiro Honda vs (64) Bouncy boi

vs

"That is (69) Soichiro Honda racing in on his sentient motorcycle called Agro. He is known for being favoured by lady luck, which is just as well as he is as dumb as a cowbell.
Your eyes do not deceive you, that really is a grinning disco ball that just entered the arena called (64) Bouncy boi. He comes with his own funky soundtrack."

The arena turns into a disco but with puddles scattered across its surface.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(69) Soichiro Honda rolls 10

(64) Bouncy boi rolls 5

Bouncy boi boings his way towards his anime opponent as the arena gets down to (Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Booty by KC & The Sunshine Band.
Soichiro, lacking the IQ to not be overpowered by the music, starts dancing along clumsily, paying no attention to his foe.
Bouncy boi opens his mouth Pacman style ready for an easy chomp when Agro the motorcycle comes racing in, billowing smoke towards the Disco fiend.

Being unable to see, Bouncy boi accidentally bounces into a puddle which turns out to be a portal. He reappears in a land where funk and disco are banned and the only music that is permitted is Heavy Metal.
Soichiro swears he can hear an anguished wailing coming from the puddle in front of him.

Soichiro Honda leaves on his trusty bike.
Bouncy boi has the beach bar bouncing to his funky tunes.

Fight 23 - (48) Shroomy vs (6) Lucy

vs

"Sat in the middle of the arena is the hideous (48) Shroomy, a mutated and genetically-weaponized Bleeding Tooth fungus. No, I have no idea how he got there either.
If you strain your eyes you may be able to see his opponent, (6) Lucy who is a fat louse with more intelligence than she should have. Something about her fills me with anger so that I just have to lash out!"

The shadowy figure blasts a section of the crowd with a disintegration ray, killing hundreds of spectators.
He clears his throat "Ahem, anyway back to the fight."

The arena transforms into a clearing in woodland.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(48) Shroomy rolls 6

(6) Lucy rolls 8

Lucy climbs up the side of Shroomy, her lengthy stay in a magic resistant Dwarves grubby beard protecting her from any ill effects.
She has been travelling for a long time and is feeling a bit peckish. She munches a little hole in the side of the mushroom much to its panic.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(48) Shroomy rolls 3

(6) Lucy rolls 5

Shroomy releases his spores desperate to stay alive. The fat little louse ignores these and continues to tuck into her delicious meal, inviting some nearby caterpillars to join in.

* Dice Roll 3 *


(48) Shroomy rolls 9

(6) Lucy rolls 5

Some of the spores reach the shadowy ringmaster filling him with strange feelings towards the gross mushroom.
He teleports down to the arena floor and plucks Lucy up before having a good long sniff of her.

"You are from that blasted Dwarf that hunts me!" he yells.
Lucy squeaks in a terrified voice that she is just trying to get home to him.
The shadowy figure grins "Oh, you miss your fat, stupid Dwarf do you? I think I can help with that!"

Og'rialt appears out of thin air with a thump as he lands on the ground. "What in tarnations...?" he stammers.
"YOU!" He shouts spotting his long time nemesis "Hold still while I grab me ax... och, what in all of hell is that smell?"
He pats his face in a panic "Where has my mighty, bulbous nose gone to you cur!?"

The shadowy figure laughs and looks down at Lucy "Why don't you go help him find it" he says before clicking his fingers.
Lucy appears tangled up in Og'rialt's nasal hair and screams from the nauseous smell that assaults her. She looks down from her vantage point to find that the Dwarves nose has been relocated to just above his hairy butt crack.

In a panic she telepathically lets Og'rialt know where both she and his nose are.
They both take it in turns to vomit until passing out.

The shadowy figure laughs and returns to his alcove.

Shroomy leaves the arena even though no-one actually sees him move.
Og'rialt is at the bar having had his nose surgically reattached to his face. Lucy is cuddled up in his beard, content to finally be home.

Fight 24 - (9) Yorzmart Trussme vs (40) The Dark Horseman

vs

"The Elf you see entering while impeccably dressed is (9) Yorzmart Trussme, never barter with him as he could sell you your own Grandmother.
If you look hard through the mist you will see (40) The Dark Horseman in black armour and atop his trusty stead."

The arena transforms into a muddy field.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(9) Yorzmart Trussme rolls 4

(40) The Dark Horseman rolls 7

Yorzmart looks around and starts to panic at his surroundings. The Dark Horseman decides to have some fun and gets his horse to run round and round his opponent, kicking up mud as it goes.
Yorzmart Trussme is beside himself with fear and revulsion as his fine elven clothes are spattered beyond recognition with muck and grime. He is left a quivering wreck as The Dark Horseman stands astride his mount, laughing.

The Dark Horseman trots out of the arena.
Yorzmart Trussme is sat at the bar, freshly bathed and with brand new clothes on. He could swear that the chair he is sat upon just chuckled to itself.

DAY 9 - Aug. 13, 2022
The band plays: click here

Fight 25 - (1) VRincent-van-GOG vs (68) Neptun

vs

"Clanking in on your left is (1) VRincent-van-GOG, he really brings his art to life. We are graced with the presence of a God in (68) Neptun, who has turned into a bit of a prankster in his old age."

The arena takes the form of a ferry in choppy waters.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(1) VRincent-van-GOG rolls 8

(68) Neptun rolls 7

Neptun summons two Trolls, one on either side of VRincent. The robotic artist plops some clay onto the ship deck and within seconds has sculpted Geralt of Rivia who comes to life. With a quick blast of Igni both Trolls are reduced to smouldering husks and the Witcher returns to the clay he was made from.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(1) VRincent-van-GOG rolls 6

(68) Neptun rolls 8

Neptun offers VRincent-van-GOG some popping candy for robots. The artist gratefully accepts the gift and pours it into his mouth not spotting the stick of dynamite that the prankster has hidden in its midst.
VRincent's head is blasted clear of his body to go spinning round and land back on his shoulders facing the wrong way.

* Dice Roll 3 *


(1) VRincent-van-GOG rolls 5

(68) Neptun rolls 8

Chortling to himself as he watches the artist trying to create while not being able to see what he is doing, Neptun summons his favourite Water Hag (although she does not like to be referred to as one).
Bethany stands sniffing the air. Her head jerks in VRincent-van-GOG direction and she smiles. She licks the now trembling robots face and say "Ah, a fellow artist. I have just the place for you!".
Cackling loudly she places a large canvas on the deck and with a wave of her hands VRincent-van-GOG is gone and instead an artistic interpretation of him is all that remains.

Neptun swims out of the arena.
VRincent-van-GOG is adding some culture to a beach bar.

Fight 26 - (84) The Backlog vs (74) Rose The Untamed

vs

"I'm not sure how to describe the entity that is (84) The Backlog on your left. He has been here mere minutes yet seems to have grown in size.
That mewing sound is (74) Rose The Untamed, highly strung and irritable little cat. I think I know what pooped in my shoe now."

The arena transforms into a comfortable bedroom.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(84) The Backlog rolls 9

(74) Rose The Untamed rolls 8

Rose lies on a warm laptop on a desk near where her opponent is. Without actually doing anything, The Backlog increases in size crushing the laptop and knocking the cat to the floor with an angry hiss.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(84) The Backlog rolls 5

(74) Rose The Untamed rolls 8

Now feeling super miffed, Rose lets out a string of mewing noises. Thousands of kittens come racing into the arena each with their own laptop.
The army of little cats start playing and completing games at record speed. Each time a game is completed The Backlog becomes a little bit smaller, much to its puzzlement.
Within minutes The Backlog is no more and the arena is covered in cat poo.

Rose The Untamed pounces her way out of the arena.
The Backlog is outside the beach bar relishing how much open space there is for him to fill.

Fight 27 - (24) Neo Cat vs (39) Connie the Office Barbarian

vs

"No sooner have I had the arena cleaned of all its cat poo (the Valkyrie are not happy) than look who we have on the left, another cat! (24) Neo Cat is an android so hopefully he isn't as messy.
Opposing is another robot (39) Connie the Office Barbarian, a time traveller bitten by a radioactive Excel sheet who now has mathematical superpowers."

The arena transforms into an office.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(24) Neo Cat rolls 3

(39) Connie the Office Barbarian rolls 2

Connie eyes the cat warily, her brain running thousands of statistical calculations to work out the best way to beat it.
As Neo came racing toward her, sharp metal claws poised for rending, Connie calculates the exact time and place to be at to dispose of robo-kitty swiftly.
She time-travels to the spot but failed to take into consideration a loose bit of string on the floor which Neo has seen, causing him to stop abruptly and trip up the barbarian.
Connie face-plants into a nearby desk.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(24) Neo Cat rolls 7

(39) Connie the Office Barbarian rolls 8

Connie flips over and starts blasting with her laser rifle, calculating wear the cat will be with each blast. This would work against any normal foe but Neo has the fastest reflexes known to man and just about stays ahead of the game.
The cat is driven into a corner though.

* Dice Roll 3 *


(24) Neo Cat rolls 9

(39) Connie the Office Barbarian rolls 5

With an angry purr, Neo uses his ultimate ability summoning a yarn ball from the sky big enough to fill the whole arena.
Screams ring out as the the yarn ball not only crushes Connie but also most of the spectators.

The shadowy figure surveys the wreckage, tapping his chin. "With most of the crowd now, ahem, departed I can sell tickets to an entirely new crowd of mugs. Spectators. Well done psycho robot cat thing."

Neo Cat leaves the flattened arena feeling pleased with himself.
Connie the Office Barbarian is at the bar using her powers to cheat at roulette.

DAY 10 - Aug. 15, 2022
The band plays on: click here

Fight 28 - (58) The Circus vs (15) Louise the Lobster

vs

"You may be thinking where our first combatant is, well look around!" A series of gasps arise from the crowd as they notice the circus tent that is (58) The Circus enveloping them.
"Entering from the right comes the beast from the east, the red menace, the... oh so tasty" drools "Ahem (15) Louise the Lobster!"

The arena tries to change form but is prevented by The Circus.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(58) The Circus rolls 4

(15) Louise the Lobster rolls 9

The Circus sends its minions in to attack - the clowns prepare a tub full of steaming hot butter, the acrobats flying overhead, the strongman and bearded lady both advancing menacingly.
Louise takes it all in with her beady little eyes. She strains and the dark line that runs through her explodes into action, sending forth millions of little baby lobsters, their little claws clacking sounding like maracas of doom!

The teeny tiny terrors snip through the ropes on the trapeze sending the acrobats tumbling to the ground. They puncture the tub full of butter smothering the clowns in it instead. They destroy the clothes of the strongman and bearded lady causing them to slink away as the crowd laughs.
Most devastating of all, their little claws get to shredding the canvas of the circus tent, bringing the whole thing down.

The shadowy figure muses "That's a shame, I would have liked to have seen The Circus vs Human Cannonball in a fight. Plus I have a craving for buttered lobster right now."

Louise the Lobster races away from the hungry eyes of the shadowy overlord on her tiny legs.
The Circus has enveloped the beach bar and is entertaining its patrons.

Fight 29 - (70) Sri Sri vs (80) Joe

vs

"The calming of your psyche is probably down to the rotund human entering from the left (70) Sri Sri. Why a spiritual leader is dressed in the finest silk robes and has a large, golden dollar sign hanging from his neck I don't know.
Entering from the right comes (80) Joe, a wannabe superhero. What makes him special is beyond me, he looks like he should be working in a factory making buttons or something."

The arena takes on the form of a temple.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(70) Sri Sri rolls 10

(80) Joe rolls 4

Joe starts doing fake karate moves and performing clumsy forward rolls like his hero - 96 year old, 22 stone Steven Seagal.
Sri Sri says in a calm whisper "Young Joe-son, I see great potential in you. All you need is to have faith in your abilities to be the superhero that your persona deserves. Also you need one of these rare, karma-laden amulets that I am selling only to those who are most worthy."
"For a mighty being such as yourself there is no charge, merely sign this disclaimer absolving me of any responsibility should heroics lead you to any harm, which they won't of course."

Joe approaches the cross-legged figure and while squinting tries to read the microscopic writing on the piece of paper.
"I can't make out what it says... life insurance? Hmm..."
Sri Sri reassures the factory worker/ superhero "Worry not my friend, what would a world renowned spiritual leader need with your earthly possessions? Check my Youtube channel (be sure to click like and donate to my patreon while there) to see just how genuine I am."

Joe signs the paper, plops the amulet over his head and puffs out his chest. "Time for this superhero to put paid to the superest villain of them all!
He runs up the stairs to where the shadowy figure is stood and whales on him relentlessly.
The shadowy figure sighs, touches Joe's forehead with one bony finger and watches the misguided human disintegrate into a pile of ash.
With another sigh he says "Next!".

(70) Sri Sri floats out of the arena, still cross-legged.
(80) Joe has a cape on and is running around the beach bar while going "Whooooosh!".

Fight 30 - (25) Aqua vs (59) A1 Cap-1

vs

"The slender, anime loving female on your left is (25) Aqua. Be careful not to compare her to any lame goddess, I made that mistake and my toilet hasn't flushed properly since. Seriously, I apologised, can you make the water go down the u-bend like it is supposed to and not out of the toilet and over my head please?"
"From the right comes a little blue eyed boy (59) A1 Cap-1 holding a formidable weapon in the form of an atomic era styled handgun."

The arena takes the form of the sea with a desert island in the middle.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(25) Aqua rolls 8

(59) A1 Cap-1 rolls 4

While surfing a wave around the desert island Aqua hears a young voice call out "Aren't you the Goddess Konosuba? You're the bestest and I have your posters on my bedroom wall!"
A1 Cap-1 realises his mistake when the watery figure comes racing towards him with a furious scowl on her face.
Looking around the island, A1 uses his guns gravitational power to fire several coconuts at Aqua but her watery form merely parts to allow the objects to pass on through.

Spotting the potential power of the little boys gun, she summons an airborne whirlpool that sweeps him up and brushing pass the startled shadowy figure, deposits him into an equally shadowy toilet.

"Oh, this could be fun" chortles the devious overlord as he flushes the toilet over and over to watch the child get thrown into the air along with the dirty water.

Aqua speeds out of the arena while cursing all lame Gods.
A1 Cap-1 is sitting at a table at the beach bar, his little legs hanging over his chair while he is entertained by a couple of buttery clowns.

DAY 11 - Aug. 17, 2022
The band plays: click here

Fight 31 - (18) Qeesamander vs (57) Rock

vs

"Hopping into the arena is (18) Qeesamander, a giant frog with an identity crisis. Opposing is, well there's a bloody great rock over there, that would be (57) Rock.

The arena turns into a swamp.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(18) Qeesamander rolls 4

(57) Rock rolls 5

Qeesamander is happy in his current environment as he ponders his past and whether he even has a future. He leaps through the air only for his trailing leg to clip a large rock that someone inconsiderately left lying around. He tumbles head first into a tree stump.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(18) Qeesamander rolls 6

(57) Rock rolls 10

Qeesamander approaches the inanimate object looking to learn of his past. He goes into a trance as he stares at Rock failing to notice it disappear.
Coming to his senses, the frog looks around but there is no sign of his foe. With a feeling of dread, he looks up to see Rock ten feet above him.
"How the..." mumbles Qeesamander before gravity does the rest and there is a large splat covering the swamp in frog ichor.

Rock leaves the arena although no-one actually sees him move.
Qeesamander is at the beach bar keeping the place free of flies.

Fight 32 - (54) 0101100101 - Flying Binary code vs (43) Kath Hannah

vs

"Flying through the air and selling your personal details to faceless corporations comes (54) 0101100101 - Flying Binary code. With the unenviable task of besting it is (43) Kath Hannah, a sometimes clumsy female ninja with psychic abilities."

The arena takes the form of an office.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(54) 0101100101 - Flying Binary code rolls 9

(43) Kath Hannah rolls 3

Kath reaches for her sunglasses but yawns as she does, dropping and smashing them. Both her mind and the air around her are invaded by adverts targeted to her browsing history.
Most prominent among these is one for the adult website 'big boy go poop' featuring grown men in nappies soiling themselves and doing bum-slides around a room as a woman dressed as a nanny looks on, admonishing them for being bad babies.

As the arena crowd bursts out laughing, Kath splutters that she only clicked on that website by mistake the one time. Panicking, she tries to teleport out but instead reappears face first into the arena wall.

0101100101 flies out of the arena.
Kath Hannah is at the bar drinking having deleted her browser history.

Fight 33 - (47) Ryzhik vs (20) The Fiery Assassin

vs

"Entering from the left is (47) Ryzhik, a talking red cat. From the right comes the sultry (20) The Fiery Assassin, a forest nymph who is a bit of a party animal."

The arena take the form of a wooded glade.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(47) Ryzhik rolls 8

(20) The Fiery Assassin rolls 7

Ryzhik runs around the nymph to keep her off balance while avoiding her toxic axe. All the while he bombards her with compliments about her supernatural beauty.
The Fiery Assassin is both flattered and frustrated by the red moggy's actions.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(47) Ryzhik rolls 9

(20) The Fiery Assassin rolls 8

Ryzhik jumps onto the nymphs back and purrs "My dear, how I wish I was human so I could steal a kiss from such a sumptuous beauty. Alas, I am a teeny, tiny kitty and as such shall settle for licking your fair skin."
The Fiery Assassin recoils in horror from the little cats tongue what with water in any form being her great weakness.

* Dice Roll 3 *


(47) Ryzhik rolls 6

(20) The Fiery Assassin rolls 9

The nymph creates multiple duplicates of herself, each dangling a piece of string. Ryzhik's cat instincts take over and he runs from one nymph to another over and over again, excitedly trying to bat the hanging string.
Eventually he puffs himself out and curls up to sleep, exhausted.

The Fiery Assassin sashays out of the arena, more than a few audience members gazing after her longingly.
Ryzhik is in the beach bar playing with a twine ball.

DAY 12 - Aug. 18, 2022
The band plays: click here

Fight 34 - (2) Catpain Petcool aka Patcool vs (31) Katmeleonpus

vs

"The contestant on the left (2) Catpain Petcool looks familiar to me, only less cool than I remember. He is an anthropomorphic cat who can't be trusted with firearms as he doesn't know one end from the other.
Opposing is (31) Katmeleonpus, the unholy mixture of Siamese cat, octopus and chameleon.
The cat to dog ratio in this years fight club is way out of whack."

The arena changes into a giant cat litter tray with weapon racks around the sides.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(2) Catpain Petcool rolls 4

(31) Katmeleonpus rolls 9

Lacking the cool car of his brother-in-law, Petcool strides forward towards the hybrid creature.
Katmeleonpus hisses and spits ink into Petcool's already squinting eyes. Finding his bowl haircut deeply offensive, she reaches six tentacles into the nearby weapon racks and pulls out a bunch of loaded rocket launchers.

Petcool stumbles into the cat/octopus/chameleon thing and wrestles a gun from her.
"Aha!" he exclaims "Aventarge me!" says the dyslexic cat. Struggling to see through the ink he wonders why his gun is so heavy. Using both hands he just about has the strength to point it at his foe.

His eyes clearing he is greeted by the sight of Katmeleonpus, red in colour, pointing five rocket launchers at him.
"Oh bogger" he says resignedly.
Katmeleonpus replies with a simple "meow" before firing all five weapons leaving just a pair of smoking paws where Catpain Petcool once stood.

Katmeleonpus races out of the arena after using the oversized litter tray for what it is meant to be used.
Catpain Petcool is juggling knives at the bar as everyone keeps their distance.

Fight 35 - (36) TinyA vs (71) Bronze Catman

vs

"Racing in faster than the eye can follow is (36) TinyA, an atom wearing red boxing gloves. Facing him is (71) Bronze Catman, another cat being but this one with superpowers rather than a bad haircut and speech impediment.
God, another damn cat! Can you all stop soiling my arena please?"

The arena transforms into a dimly lit room.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(36) TinyA rolls 6

(71) Bronze Catman rolls 8

TinyA starts speeding towards his opponent making sure not to look at the ground in case his shadow is there waiting to steal his soul.
Bronze Catman pops some unnamed sweets into his mouth before creating a steel shield out of thin air that TinyA runs into with a loud clang.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(36) TinyA rolls 7

(71) Bronze Catman rolls 6

Shaking his little head, TinyA races around the shield and starts to pummel the tall cat as his red boxing gloves are a blur to the spectators eyes.

* Dice Roll 3 *


(36) TinyA rolls 5

(71) Bronze Catman rolls 12

Dazed from his beating, Bronze Catman spits out the sweets he was chewing on. TinyA squeals in horror as jelly beans, the devils own sweets, fall all around him.
Overcome with panic, TinyA looks for an escape route only to turn and come face to face with his shadow.

The nefarious shadow grins before reaching into TinyA's chest and ripping out his soul, consuming it to the sound of shadowy smacking lips.
TinyA falls to the ground motionless as a bemused Bronze Catman looks on.

Bronze Catman saunters out of the arena.
TinyA is seated at the bar, thankful to the shadowy ringmaster for recovering his soul for him (although terrified of the ringmasters very nature).

Fight 36 - (32) Shield Lady vs (55) Ranzar

vs

"Walking in with not one but two shields on her arms is (32) Shield Lady. Her armour is emblazoned with little shields, as are her actual shields. Yep, this lady really loves her shields.
Slinking in to face her is (55) Ranzar, a sneaky goblin who is skilled with the bow."

The arena transforms into a muddy hill.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(32) Shield Lady rolls 4

(55) Ranzar rolls 5

Ranzar approaches while snivelling "Please Miss warrior lady, me's no threat to yous, me is humble servant."
Seeing her drop her guard, the green one quickly looses an arrow that Shield Lady barely gets her shield up in time to block.
Checking that there is no real damage to her precious shield, she glowers at the goblin.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(32) Shield Lady rolls 6

(55) Ranzar rolls 2

Ranzar drops to his belly and begs for mercy as the mighty warrior charges at him. Shield Lady roars with rage and takes a shield in each hand before smashing them together again and again with the Goblins head in between.
She stops when her favoured weapons are covered with what little brains Ranzar had.

Shield Lady strolls out of the arena, clanging her shields together as she goes.
Ranzar is at the bar causing mischief as only a goblin can.

DAY 13 - Aug. 19, 2022
The band plays: click here

Fight 37 - (76) The Rider Who Wears A Mask vs (12) Muskito

vs

"Riding in on his dirtbike is (76) The Rider Who Wears A Mask. He has watched the film Antman so many times that he has been adopted by the Aculeata alien race to join their fight against the Vespoids.
That annoying buzz you hear from the right is (12) Muskito, the worlds smartest mosquito who is multi-lingual and militarily trained. He is also very small and should he decide to snack upon my person, I shall squish him between my finger and thumb. SQUISH HIM UNTIL HE IS DEAD!"

The arena turns into a muddy bike trail.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(76) The Rider Who Wears A Mask rolls 5

(12) Muskito rolls 5

The Rider revs his bike, Vespoid or mosquito, is there much difference? Death to both he thinks to himself.
Muskito adjusts his tiny custom made helmet and prepares for battle confident in the secret military made disease he is carrying.
Both rush towards each other but the dirtbike kicks up so much dust that they completely miss.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(76) The Rider Who Wears A Mask rolls 2

(12) Muskito rolls 7

The Rider calls forth six large mecha ants feeling confident in a quick victory. He yelps as he feels something bite him on the hand and looks down to see a mozzy retreating to a safe distance. A small voice calls out "you are the perfect subject to test out my new disease."
The Rider doesn't feel any different but notices a silver streak running under the skin on his arms. More alarmingly he has lost telepathic control of the mecha ants who are all staring at him intently.
The ants quickly close and their powerful mandibles make short work of The Rider Who Wears A Mask and his dirtbike.

Muskito yells (very quietly) "Victory is mine!" as he flies out of the arena.
The Rider Who Wears A Mask is at the bar with a fly swatter in each hand.

Fight 38 - (82) Unit 14QN9 vs (33) Smartlock aka Pattrick

vs

"Clanking into the arena is (82) Unit 14QN9, a Giant Robotic Space Scorpion of Doom (albeit, a refurbished and somewhat faulty unit).
To fight him we have the human Smartlock aka Pattrick who is a chess Grandmaster. He is looking rather squishy next to the giant scorpion."

The arena takes the form of a spaceship loading bay.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(82) Unit 14QN9 rolls 8

(33) Smartlock aka Pattrick rolls 7

Patrick refuses to panic and his brain starts whirring trying to figure out how to use his surroundings to beat his opponent.
Unit 14QN9 is disappointed that the organic being in front of him isn't screaming and soiling itself, a sight he was looking forward to beholding.
In anger he starts firing plasma bolts from his tail stinger. Patrick stops thinking for the moment and instead relies on his agility to dive repeatedly out of the way of certain death.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(82) Unit 14QN9 rolls 8

(33) Smartlock aka Pattrick rolls 2

Patrick assesses his foe and what potential weakness he may have. Looking around he notices a crane with a large magnet and smiles at his own cleverness. While being self satisfied the giant scorpion simply grabs the distracted human in its pincers and with a quick snip, ends the fight.

Unit 14QN9 stomps out of the arena making sure to steer clear of the magnet.
Pattrick is in the bar feeling downcast. With surprise he looks down at his feet to see that a brown satchel has appeared there. Opening it he sees that it is full of human cash, enough to pay for his fathers treatment several times over.
Patrick buys everyone in the bar a drink but asks a masked rider to kindly stop hitting him with a fly swatter.

Fight 39 - (10) Vasily vs (28) Bear Airport

vs

"That roar you heard is the vodka drinking bear (10) Vasily entering from the left. More roaring from the right? That is (28) Bear Airport, a bear that is also an airport (duh).
I honestly never noticed this match up until just now."

The arena is now a campsite by a lake.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(10) Vasily rolls 9

(28) Bear Airport rolls 7

The two bears size each other up warily. Vasily starts trashing the camp site having smelt salmon. In doing so he unearths several picnic baskets. Bear Airport who had been ready to attack loses all focus and instead gorges himself on the picnic food. Several flights are redirected to alternative airports.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(10) Vasily rolls 9

(28) Bear Airport rolls 5

Vasily grabs Bear Airport in a bear hug from behind while he is stuffing his face. The hug causes Bear Airport to lose any interest in fighting.
Vasily turns suddenly to the crowd and with a roar, goes charging in. Much panicked screaming later Vasily returns to sit by the lake and share an evil scientist he just mutilated with his new pal, Bear Airport.

Vasily walks tall and proud out of the arena.
Bear Airport is sleeping off too much food by the beach bar.

DAY 14 - Aug. 20, 2022
The band plays: click here

Fight 40 - (78) Superdupont vs (56) Kisha

vs

"There is a strong smell of onions and garlic which can mean only one thing, the arrival of (78) Superdupont. He fights for all things French.
Flying in from the right is (56) Kisha, the reluctant little pixie who doesn't really want to be here."

The arena turns into a town square.

Day 14

* Dice Roll 1 *


(78) Superdupont rolls 8

(56) Kisha rolls 9

Superdupont twitches his handsome french moustache and charges at the pixie with hardened baguette in hand. With an 'eep' Kisha blinks to the faerie plane and back again as frenchie races past.
She throws some fairy dust onto his cape which changes from the French flag colouration to that of the British.

Superdupont goes red in the face and sputters "you sneaky lettle rostbif! I will insert this baguette where the sun does not shine!"

* Dice Roll 2 *


(78) Superdupont rolls 12

(56) Kisha rolls 3

Filled with outrage, Superdupont bats Kisha to the ground with his stale bread. He then takes up a French chant.
"Hon hon hon, HON HON HON, hon hon hon..."
As he drones on dozens of snails, all wearing fetching little berets, converge on where the pixie is laying dazed. They cover her in their slime before a mime artist walks over and encases her in an invisible box.
Superdupont picks up the box and with a shout of "au revoir" hits it clear of the arena.

Superdupont marches out of the arena with his head held high.
Kisha is at the bar having had three baths to rid herself of the yucky snail slime.

Fight 41 - (16) Captain Whiskers vs (5) Beldarion

vs

"Entering from the left comes yet another cat (16) Captain Whiskers. Can we lay some litter trays down around the arena please? Where is Mr Chips when you need him.
From the right comes (5) Beldarion a bald mercenary who carries the fearsome bastard sword Waihyra in his right hand. He has an old book from previous adventures even though he doesn't know how to read. Something about the book makes him feel compelled to keep it."

* Dice Roll 1 *


(16) Captain Whiskers rolls 2

(5) Beldarion rolls 8

Captain Whiskers does a zoomie towards the mighty human, thinking himself a fluffy ball of death. He starts chewing and scratching at the chainmail armour while making mewling noises that in his head are fearsome roars.
Beldarion looks at the deluded cat and can't bring himself to smite it with his sword. Instead, he fishes around in his backpack and withdraws his book. His precious.
Beldarion proceeds to smack the kitty on the head with the book and knock it out.

Beldarion strides from the arena.
Captain Whiskers is in the bar enjoying a saucer of milk.

Fight 42 - (65) Carrara vs (30) H2NaO3Ca4SbXe12

vs

"The exquisitely sculpted living marble statue, (65) Carrara enters from the left. Floating in to oppose him is (30) H2NaO3Ca4SbXe12, an intelligent gaseous compound that was developed in a bioweapons lab. Deadly to all mammals, I'm not sure how effective he will be against a statue."

The arena turns into a laboratory.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(65) Carrara rolls 9

(30) H2NaO3Ca4SbXe12 rolls 10

Carrara strides forward and takes powerful swings through the gaseous cloud in an attempt to disperse it. H2NaO3Ca4SbXe12 floats up into the air and overpowers a Valkyrie who was hovering there. She crashes down upon Carrara damaging his left arm in the process.
The shadowy ringmaster scowls at what he has just seen.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(65) Carrara rolls 8

(30) H2NaO3Ca4SbXe12 rolls 3


H2NaO3Ca4SbXe12 sees how to best this non-breathing foe. He spreads himself through the air at the top of the arena and sends dozens of unfortunate Valkyries spiralling down towards Carrara. It is all the walking statue can do to avoid being crushed by the heavenly onslaught.

The shadowy figure feels his rage growing inside him at the deaths of his beloved servants. He flies upwards and into the midst of H2NaO3Ca4SbXe12 infecting the weaponised gas with a virus of his own.
H2NaO3Ca4SbXe12 can't believe what is happening to him as he is slowly dissipated by the airbourne bacteria until there is nothing left.

Carrara leaves the arena while eyeing the sky nervously.
H2NaO3Ca4SbXe12 is in the beach bars ventilation system thinking evil thoughts.

DAY 15 - Aug. 21, 2022
The band plays: click here

Fight 43 - (46) Elnaril vs (86) Glorqon

vs

The left gate crackles open to the figure of (46) Elnaril, an elven ice mage who was "too cool" for school and dropped his studies before learning about the other elemental magics. His rebel demeanour, suddenly raising the "coolness" factor of these fights up to eleven.

From the right gate approaches a gelatinous fungal purple matter which has no sex and has no need for dating apps. (86) Glorqon, the sentient swarm of intellect, slowly advances towards its opponent.

The arena attempts to reconstruct itself several times without success, until it finally settles down into an abstract landscape full of odd gears and mechanisms which nobody knows what they do or what they're for.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(46) Elnaril rolls 6

(86) Glorqon rolls 9

The ice mage takes the initiative casting all his spells at once: Iceball, Ice shard, Magic shield, Ice wall! Glorqon's figure disappears under a hail of frozen water. The audience begins to cheer and Elnaril, being the cool guy that he is, adopts his most suave look to pronounce his triumphant catchphrase in the direction where Glorqon had been "existing" just a second ago: "Ice-talavista baby...".

The crowd explodes and cries at the mage for a son, a daughter, and a couple of ice cubes for their drinks. That is until, little by little, the cheers give way to ubiquitous "ooohhh's" of surprise as Elnaril's spells dissipate and reveal the wobbly figure of Glorqon, standing one centimetre beyond from where he had been before, just as calm, although probably a tad more "chill".

Colorful patterns begin emerging above Glorqon's form. Title this purple fella the master of expectations for it takes it an hour to materialise all of them until everyone can read: "You should have taken a look at my Tinder profile's description, I'm highly resistant to frost, y'know?". The audience suddenly begins to feel attracted to Glorqon for having made them wait for so long. They check their communicational devices attempting to match with the gelatinous mass, dismissing Elnaril's magic for ineffective tricks, and now giving him the "cold" shoulder.

The elven mage, understanding that highly resistant doesn't mean invulnerable, conjures all his magical might into a storm of ice around him. So much concentration does this spell require, that he doesn't even notice his tears freezing up and blinding him to the position of his rival. Absorbed in power and self-pity, Elnaril unleashes his spell in a random direction. It hits! Not Glorqon though, but the precise mechanism which had been holding the trapdoor under his feet closed all this time. The mechanism breaks and in an instant, the figure of Elnaril vanishes from the arena only to appear, after "a spell", in a nearby coastal bar.

Fight 44 - (87) Detective Emu vs (88) The Vagabond

The victorious Glorqon, bathed in cheers, is still on the process of making its way out at the speed of turtle whilst from up above, a bunch of valkyries fly around and boo at the figure sitting on the ringmaster's tribune, unhappy about the use of such petty plot devices. "It's not as easy as it looks, ok??" says a sliver of a voice before it's suffocated by the overwhelming sound of the gates opening once more.

An emu wearing a detective hat comes in from the left side, he takes careful steps and seems to be inspecting his surroundings with both curiosity and suspicion until the materializing figure of a man suddenly draws his full attention. (87) Detective Emu focuses his sight on the right gate trying to contain his excitement.

Opposite from the military might of 'Straya, the mysterious cloaked figure of (88) The Vagabond warps into reality bearing an assortment of hand weapons.

The arena struggles to transition towards a barren desert as if chocked by the predicament and trepidation of an incompetent narrator. There's nothing around besides a few spots covered in tiny bushes and a bunch of annoying flies. Coming from somewhere both distant and unknown, the eerie and foreboding sound of drums being played booms, blanketing the battleground in a syncopated "tim-tam-tim-tam-tim-tam...".

* Dice Roll 1 *


(87) Detective Emu rolls 7

(88) The Vagabond rolls 9

Cautious as usual, The Vagabond adopts a ninja stance and readies his short blades when he sees his opponent sprinting towards him. Detective Emu strides forward with fervour, stoping only when him and his rival are but an inch apart to say: "yeah g'day, ie doin' ohrite?".

The vagabond, who has mastered more than a dozen languages, is currently at a loss trying to decipher the subtleties of boganish 'strayan. His struggle tough, doesn't deter Detective Emu from keeping up with his inquisitive nature.

"ie new 'round this pa'hts ain't ya? Y'mind if I ask a few questions moite? I'm just tryin' to foind the derpy bastard who took the last of my tim tams, roite? Oh, you wonderin' why do I speak interrogatively all the toime? It's because I'm a detective, moite; pretty obvious that one, innit?". Detective Emu lights up a ciggy and right away begins to cough uncontrollably. Feeling no ill-intent, The Vagabond fastens the guards of his short blades to his back with a somewhat loose leather strap and approaches his rival, patting him on the back, with a "there, there" and a gentle "you should quit smoking, Detective Emu" non-verbal empathic gesture.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(87) Detective Emu rolls 4

(88) The Vagabond rolls 7

Detective Emu's coughing propels his detective hat onto the ground, catching the attention of The Vagabond who, politely, picks it up with the intent to give it back. Just as he's about to do so, Detective Emu's relentless convulsions jerk his head uncontrolled towards The Vagabond, hitting him directly on his funny bone. The Vagabond screams and the spasm of pain traversing his arm jolts both his brain and his hand triggering his space-time prowess and sending Detective Emu's hat into the oblivion of time. "Oops" says The Vagabond.

The coughing stops just in time for Detective Emu to see The Vagabond right in front of him getting rid of his beloved hat and giving extra work to the Lost&Found offices of the multiverse. Thinking that the emu can't understand proper english, The Vagabond tries to apologise by re-enacting in an illustrative and gesticulative manner, how the action ensued, how it was all an accident. Turning back, he pretends to pick up an imaginary hat from the ground, just to reveal to the trained eyesight of Detective Emu whilst doing so, the empty packaging of a box of tim tams protruding from his back pocket!!

Finally realising that humans can't be trusted (at least not around tim tams) and blinded by range, Detective Emu rushes forward with his long and mighty neck in an attempt to recover the lingering memory and scent of his prized possession. Unaware of the sudden and swift movements of his rival, The Vagabond stands up and turns just in the nick of time to slice the emus' head with the sharp short blades dangling from his back. A headless emu runs around the arena drenching everyone in blood. "Oops" says The Vagabond.

Moments later, Detective Emu pops up alive and well and with his integrity restored, at a cozy coastal bar. Reaching for his pocket, he takes out a pack of cigarettes and looks at it disappointed. "Yeeeeeh, I guess t'day is the day I'm quitting the ciggies for guud, huh?... Shoh, why not? Just like a cousin of mine once said: 'nevermore Detective Emu moite, nevermore okhay?'". Tossing the pack to the nearest bin, Detective Emu hits the table with his beak a couple of times and asks: "Anyone heah got a speh' hat?".

Fight 45 - (89) Stormhand vs (90) Gagerlar

The sky darkens as the valkyries amass and fly over the arena with unnatural excitement. Their thundering battlecries echoing their demands and spreading like an unstoppable infection throughout the public: "What do we want? BLOOD!! When do we want it? NOW!!". Before the sneaky stranger can finish saying "oh sh—", the frenzied tribal chanting rises and overflows the whole place, forewarning an upcoming pandemonium.

The opening of the gates offers an evanescent moment of respite as every sound in existence gets suffocated under the anticipatory silence of a new fight. The quiet doesn't last long though, for just as the gates come to a halt, the crowd erupts again offering hails and cheers to the two meter tall chimeric figure of (89) Stormhand, the human-eagle who walks into the arena wearing a tuxedo, in an unusual demonstration of fighter's etiquette.

And you thought you had seen it all when in a flashy display of intelligence and agility, (90) Gagerlar the proud battleparrot, comes in through the right gate whilst reading a book and brewing tea under a massive amount of amused looks and encouraging ovations. Don't take it for a cutie without bite though, this seemingly friendly parrot is wearing a "ear-ie" necklace made of the dried up ears of his opponents. Can you hear the danger coming? If not, well, just double check your ears aren't hanging around some parrot's neck!

The arena crackles and shrieks into motion awkwardly, like an unimaginative kid invited to a lego party. After a few minutes and several attempts at doing what it's supposed to do, it concludes its agonic efforts by reconfiguring itself and settling in the shape of a fancy café called "The Birday Party".

* Dice Roll 1 *


(89) Stormhand rolls 8

(90) Gagerlar rolls 9

Both combatants sit in front of each other at a nice table. Gagerlar takes the initiative, proudly making a display of his proficiency and intuition in all-things-tea by offering Stormhand a cup of what Gagerlar assumes to be its rival's favourite beverage. The parrot hums Eagle-Eye Cherry song whilst serving the drink. Is that some sort of taunt? Stormhand hesitates and gazes at the parrot suspiciously for a brief second, before he decides that denying such kind offer would be unacceptably impolite.

Reaching for the cup of tea, Stormhand sees it suddenly slipping before his eyes just as he is about to grab it. The scorching hot liquid spills all over his new tuxedo, the eagle-man screeching in agony.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(89) Stormhand rolls 10

(90) Gagerlar rolls 7

"You! You did this!" yells Stormhand pointing an accusatory finger at the battle parrot.
"What? No, nonono!" replies Gagerlar. "An air current must have lifted my wing as I was holding the cup! It happens sometimes, right? Doesn't it happen to you too?"
Even though he has both a pair of hands and a pair of wings, Stormhand can't deny he is able to empathise with the parrot's difficulties. Still, was that on purpose? He considers the possibility before replying "Never mind, why don't we order some cake, huh?".
"Sure, may I be so bold as to suggest—" says Gagerlar before it is interrupted.
"Oh no, my friend... Please let me be the one to pick something for you this time. I got just the right thing in mind and I'm sure you'd love to try the house speciality, the...". Stormhand's face suddenly turns blue, "th...eCGHHHP!-arrot cake!"
"What?!" Gagerlar stands up offended. "The 'parrot' cake?! Is this mockery my ears are hearing?" The battleparrot's necklace dangles making a gross sound.
"What? No, nonono! I didn't mean to say 'parrot', I wanted to say 'carrot'! I must have choked on a feather bud, I'm sure this must happen to you all the time too, right?" replies Stormhand.

Silence ensues, both birds looking intensely at each other with suspicion. A ball of hay comes out of nowhere, rolling across the interior of "The Birday Party" followed by a "wooshy" sound. Suddenly, the ball of hay comes to a halt after having rolled on top of the eagle-man and the parrot's table, and having spilled the tea and the cake over each combatant's lap. Jumping from their seats at the same time, "courtesies" begin to be exchanged:

"Not all parrots like carrots you fool!" cries out Gagerlar.
"And tuxedo-wearing eagle-men only drink coffee you oaf!" replies Stormhand.

A storm of feathers follows as both birds fly into the air, Gagerlar being the quickest as it isn't wearing a soaking wet tuxedo. "It's over for you, buffoon! I have the high ground now!" says the battleparrot, haughty. Stormhand tries to ride the upward currents and reach Gagerlar but his style is getting in the way of his swiftness. He considers taking off his suit, "Never!" he yells.

Gagerlar flaps its wings relentlessly, heading ever upwards, until it sees, reflected on the startled eyes of its rival, the consequences of its pride. Time seems to slow down as the parrot understands and tries to readjust, tries to fly away form what it is about to happen... But he doesn't make it in time. A swift and sharp pain overcomes the battleparrot making a crunching sound. Gagerlar looks towards his chest in disdain, his dying words "Oh for f-..." deafened by the roaring voice of a valkyrie yelling "Guess what we're having for dessert tonight girls???".

Stormhand leaves the arena, his heavy heart and sorrowful expression drowned under the excited cries of the audience. Gagerlar materialises at the bar besides a pensive emu. "Fancy a cup of tea, buddy?" it asks.

 ROUND 2

DAY 16 - Aug. 25, 2022
The band plays: click here

Fight 1 - (79) Triock Ulagolor vs (35) P-AE00FF

vs

The start of round 2.

"That annoying Elven ditty you can hear is being sung by none other than (79) Triock Ulagolor, Paladin that you either love or hate. His challenge is to best (35) P-AE00FF an alien entity that is peaceful in nature but has such wonderful destructive potential."
The shadowy figure salivates.

The arena turns into woodland with sun beams penetrating through the canopy.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(79) Triock Ulagolor rolls 5

(35) P-AE00FF rolls 8

Triock brings his legendary flamesword Riarwirn to bear while cheerfully singing the ballad of Gwenfollin the Gorgeous. He spies a purple presence mingling with the crowd but is unperturbed.
P-AE00FF is delighted by the variety of new beings in the crowd and sets about examining and cataloguing them. He is particularly fascinated by a race of angular glass beings that he decides to name 'Mirrortrons' (race names already denoted by lesser life forms are irrelevant in his opinion).

As he examines one of the trembling glass creatures a sunbeam strikes it directly and reflects into P-AE00FF. The resulting solar blast shoots outwards in halo form, decapitating several hundred spectators in the front row.
Triock stops singing and looks down as the top half of his body slides free from the bottom half before crashing to the ground.
"Whoops" says an embarrassed P-AE00FF as the shadowy figure mumbles something about no refunds.

Fight 2 - (49) Coral vs (27) Tanya

vs

"We welcome back the Siren named (49) Coral who is quietly singing to herself. Opposite comes (27) Tanya, the changeling returned to the arena by popular demand (and a meddling louse)."

The arena turns into a pond with an island in the middle.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(49) Coral rolls 12

(27) Tanya rolls 8

Tanya (who has been very unlucky with her dice roll) brings her flute to her mouth. At her beckoning beavers bring down several trees that are carried to the waters edge by wild boars. Here the branches are cut off by squirrels and put together to form a cage by a combination of ants and outer mongolian albino pygmy leprechauns (shrug).

With another toot on her flute swordfish and sharks form a semi circle behind Coral in order to herd the siren towards captivity.
Coral feels her stomach rumble and says "Oh dear, that anchovy and prune pizza is really repeating on me". Unable to hold it in any longer, she lets out a loud parp that floats up trapped in a water bubble.
Coral uses the power of her song to send the fart bubble speeding towards Tanya where it bursts, overpowering both the fluteress and her animal chums.
Tanya curls up into a ball on the ground, gasping for breath while simultaneously trying not to vomit.

Coral swims out of the arena singing happily to herself.
Tanya is taking a walk by the beach, enjoying the fresh air.

Fight 3 - (26) Borellus de Castres vs (54) 0101100101 - Flying Binary code

vs

"Entering from the left we have the 17th century french alchemist (26) Borellus de Castres. He has brought several companions with him that look like misshapen versions of fallen combatants.
Everyone delete your browser history now, here comes (54) 0101100101 - Flying Binary code one of the 'joys' of modern life."

The arena stays in its original form.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(26) Borellus de Castres rolls 7

(54) 0101100101 - Flying Binary code rolls 9

Borellus tells his creations to fan out in front of him. There is a stunted Kath Hannah with one leg shorter than the other and half an arm missing making the clumsy ninja even clumsier.
Next to her is a form of Rolf the Mutated Hedgehog where his whole being is made of spaghetti.
Lastly there is Qeesamander the giant frog only half the size and turned inside out.

0101100101 engages these homunculus with his AI powered ChatBot - so boring to interact with that 9 out of 10 monks would choose death rather than converse with it for longer than five minutes.
Spaghetti Rolf consumes himself, unable to handle the tedium any longer. Poor inside-out Qeesamander hops round and round in circles while croaking "kill me now".

* Dice Roll 2 *


(26) Borellus de Castres rolls 6

(54) 0101100101 - Flying Binary code rolls 6

Borellus tries to harness his power of the elements to control 0101100101 but finds out that binary code does not fall under his remit.

* Dice Roll 3 *


(26) Borellus de Castres rolls 8

(54) 0101100101 - Flying Binary code rolls 4

Kath Hannah homunculus remembers the humiliating defeat of the being that she is taken from. Struggling with her half arm, she reaches into a satchel by her feet and pulls out a pair of dark sunglasses.
She puts them on and through her misshapen mouth, says "Hasta la vista, baby" while facing 0101100101 - Flying Binary code.
0101100101 flashes in the air everyone in the crowds credit card details while dissimilating in the presence of the impenetrable sunglasses.

Borellus de Castres does the decent thing and mercy kills inside-out Qeesamander before patting Kath on the head and exiting the arena.
0101100101 - Flying Binary code has hijacked the tv in the beach bar to show a constant stream of adverts aimed at the patrons there.

DAY 17 - Aug. 26, 2022
The band plays: click here

Fight 4 - (50) Fighting for Dummies vs (60) Wild Tornado

vs

"The malicious book (50) Fighting for Dummies is sat in the arena. No I never saw it enter either.
The wind has thankfully died down and in its place we have (60) Wild Tornado, an elemental wizard with the ability to steal the defences of those who oppose him."

The arena is a fighting pit.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(50) Fighting for Dummies rolls 4

(60) Wild Tornado rolls 6

Fighting for Dummies flips open and summons a Knoll warrior. Wild Tornado transforms into a powerful wind and sweeps up the Knoll in his blustery embrace. He places the dog-man back on the ground who with a snarl grabs the book that once enslaved him and throws it against the wall.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(50) Fighting for Dummies rolls 8

(60) Wild Tornado rolls 5

As Fighting for Dummies falls to the floor he flips open to a page with a young red dragon on it. The mighty beast tears himself free from the book and swivels his head to face his foes.
The Knoll emits a series of pitiful yelps as the Dragons jaws clamp around him. The overgrown beast then turns his head towards Wild Tornado and exhales through his nose, sending dozens of dragon/fox hybrids flying towards the wizard.
Wild Tornado screams like a little girl, being terrified of foxes. He turns back into wind and sweeps out of the arena.

Fighting for Dummies is flown out of the arena in the Dragons claws while cackling like a cartoon villain.
Wild Tornado is using his wind ability to mess up peoples hair at the beach bar.

Fight 5 - (88) The Vagabond vs (44) Rolly

vs

"Time seems to stop momentarily as a swarthy cloaked figure (88) The Vagabond enters the arena. (44) Rolly wibbles and wobbles his way in being of a mixed Rock/ Jelly heritage. Having already restored family pride, he now plans on winning the tournament."

The arena is a clearing under the night sky.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(88) The Vagabond rolls 3

(44) Rolly rolls 9

The Vagabond smiles, feeling at ease in his darkened surroundings. He has already seen off a gibberish spouting Emu, how hard can this mound of fruit flavoured snack be?
Puzzlement crosses his face as Rolly starts jerking spasmodically in front of him.
Unknown to his multi-lingual, cool dude opponent, Rolly once dated the High Priestess of Myrglefurgle Alpha 7 who taught him how to alter the day/ night cycle.

Rolly jerks his body one way and then another. He bobs up and down on the spot, splits in two and re-joins in a different, abstract shape.
The Vagabond stops scratching his head and looks up in alarm. Three suns have replaced the moon to bath the arena in glorious sunlight.
Cursing, he throws his cloak-like garment across his face, spins around and is gone.

Rolly cheerfully wobbles his way out of the arena.
The Vagabond is at the bar using his time bending ability to ensure that his glass is never empty.

Fight 6 - (20) The Fiery Assassin vs (42) Human Cannonball

vs

"Please pick your eyes back up of the ground and put your tongues back in your mouths. The slender beauty in front of you is the forest nymph (20) The Fiery Assassin.
The out of breath fellow pushing in the 19th century cannon is none other than (42) Human Cannonball. To say he is disappointed that he won't get to fight the Circus is an understatement."

The arena is a clearing at night. A full moon shines bright but there are dark clouds as well.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(20) The Fiery Assassin rolls 8

(42) Human Cannonball rolls 6

The sultry Fiery Assassin shimmies over to the portly man. He is sweating as he tries to put the correct amount of gunpowder in the cannon with trembling hands. Fiery brings her axe to bear and slowly runs it up and down the mans throat, clearing his stubble in the process.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(20) The Fiery Assassin rolls 4

(42) Human Cannonball rolls 6

With a mixture of panic and lust threatening to overwhelm him, Human Cannonball jumps into his cannon head first, lighting it as he does.
He shoots out bum first, knocking the nymph back a dozen feet and leaving her dazed on the ground.

* Dice Roll 3 *


(20) The Fiery Assassin rolls 7

(42) Human Cannonball rolls 7

The Fiery Assassin folds her arms across her chest and glares at the man, not appreciating getting so up and close with his posterior.
Human Cannonball gulps and runs back to his cannon as fast as his little legs will take him.

* Dice Roll 4 *


(20) The Fiery Assassin rolls 4

(42) Human Cannonball rolls 8

The nymph stands and strides purposefully towards the man while slapping her axe menacingly against her open palm. Duplicate nymphs appear either side of her also with axes.
Human Cannonball whispers "oh bugger" and decides a change of tact is needed. He looks at the gathering storm clouds above and stuffs his cannon full of fireworks.

"I hope this works" he mumbles as he aims up and sends the fireworks exploding in the night sky. Thunder erupts as the clouds open up to soak the ground in a deluge of rain.
The Fiery Assassin wails as she is soaked by her great weakness and dissolves into the ground.

Human Cannonball puffs as he drags his cannon out of the arena.
The Fiery Assassin is at the bar being bought drinks by a host of admirers.

DAY 18 - Aug. 28, 2022
The band plays: click here

Fight 7 - (24) Neo Cat vs (83) Scott Arnold

vs

"Speeding in atop a ball of yarn with a mighty meeeoooowwwwrrrrrrr comes (24) Neo Cat the (non-pooping) android feline.
Opposite is (83) Scott Arnold the bank manager with the event negation ability."

The arena stays as it is.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(24) Neo Cat rolls 9

(83) Scott Arnold rolls 9

With a robotic roar, Neo Cat fires lasers from his eyes that proceed to slice Scott in twain. Concentrating with all his might the human grimaces through the pain and manages to use his power to negate the moment that Neo unleashed his energy blast and thus stop himself getting sliced in two.
Neo stands blinking in confusion.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(24) Neo Cat rolls 11

(83) Scott Arnold rolls 7

Scott leans against the wall, getting his breath back. He looks up at a mighty 'rawwr' just in time to be bowled over by the cyber-kitty.
Neos razor sharp claws tear and rend faster than the eye can follow.
Scott Arnold blinks as first his arms fall off one by one, then his legs and finally his head topples to the ground.

Neo Cats cleans himself inappropriately as he rolls out of the arena on his yarn ball.
Scott Arnold is at the bar relieved to be in one piece.

Fight 8 - (25) Aqua vs (65) Carrara

vs

"Swimming in we have "not some useless goddess" (25) Aqua, the watery being that hates party tricks. Stomping in opposite is (65) Carrara the living marble statue created in the likeness of a famous athlete."

The arena forms into an island in the middle of a lake.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(25) Aqua rolls 7

(65) Carrara rolls 4

Carrara strides towards the waters edge flexing his damaged arm and looking warily above for any plummeting Valkyrie. Not seeing his opponent he looks for something to keep himself amused.
Spotting some coconuts, he grabs three and starts juggling them intermittently balancing one on his nose.

Aqua rises from the water with a roar and screams "Are you purposefully trying to get a rise out of me!? Everyone knows how much I hate party tricks!"
Carrara stammers that he was just passing time but Aqua has been consumed by the red mist.
She sends a water spurt forward to grab one of the coconuts and yells "How's this for a party trick?"

The water spurt raises the coconut into the air before launching it at speed to hit Carrara right between the legs.
There is a clunking sound as something breaks off and hits the sand.
Carrara goes cross-eyed and topples over, holding the now empty space between his legs.

Aqua swims out of the arena while muttering "Should be wearing trousers anyway, rude boy."
Carrara is at the bar, glad to be all man again.

Fight 9 - (72) Faux-Spoilerman vs (75) Gologomir Vitalis The Squad Killer

vs

"I know you don't like him for spoiling the films ending in the last round but here is the return of (72) Faux-Spoilerman.
He has his work cut out as he faces the Vesk mercenary (75) Gologomir Vitalis The Squad Killer."

The arena is a run down street.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(72) Faux-Spoilerman rolls 5

(75) Gologomir Vitalis The Squad Killer rolls 10

Faux-Spoilerman strides forward with his usual pompous arrogance. "Hey, lizard boy, have I got something to tell you" he smarms.
Gologomir punches Faux-Spoilerman so hard in the face that his fist exits out the back of the mans head.
Faux collapses to the ground, I would say with a shocked expression on his face but he doesn't have a face left.
Gologomir raises his arms to the crowd who cheer and dub him 'Alien Rocky'.

Gologomir Vitalis The Squad Killer marches out of the arena.
Faux-Spoilerman is winding up the other patrons at the beach bar.

DAY 19 - Aug. 29, 2022
The band plays: click here

Fight 10 - (14) Lift Racy vs (78) Superdupont

vs

"On the left we have the fastest forklift in existence (or so he claims) (14) Lift Racy. Entering with an arrogant strut from the right is the proud French superhero (78) Superdupont. He has replaced his defaced cape with one with a baguette on it."

The arena is a warehouse.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(14) Lift Racy rolls 6

(78) Superdupont rolls 5

Superdupont flies above Lift with a flag in his hand and declares "I claim this arena and all who reside here for the proud people of France!"
Lift Racy zips over to some boxes and drops them at the Frenchmans feet "Here are some cheap Chinese plates and cups that you can use to feed your new citizens".

Superdupont goes red with rage "What is this foreign rubbish doing in New France! Everything must be crafted by the skill of the French people! Or maybe French Canadians at a push."

* Dice Roll 2 *


(14) Lift Racy rolls 4

(78) Superdupont rolls 10

Superdupont bites the head of a bottle of wine and downs the contents. He glares at the Forklift and sniffs the air "I smell foreign interloper! What inferior nation do you hail from? Is it the Anglais pigdogs? Or maybe their overweight offshoot America?"
Lift Racy's headlights beam proudly as he replies "Nein, I am German manufacturing at its finest!"

Superdupont explodes "Sacre Bleu! I will not allow you to invade us again!"
The Frenchman flies down and grabs the startled Lift Racy by his prongs. He ties them in a knot and spins the truck around and around above his head.
Lift Racy moans "I think I'm gonna be sick" as Superdupont lets go and sends him soaring clear of the arena.

Superdupont does a circuit of the arena, flag in hand before flying out.
Lift Racy is doing wheelspins by the beach bar.

Fight 11 - (74) Rose The Untamed vs (15) Louise the Lobster

vs

"Pouncing into the arena is (74) Rose The Untamed, untrusting and often irritating cat. She is up against (15) Louise the Lobster, her millions of babies tucked up back inside her."

The arena is a kitchen.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(74) Rose The Untamed rolls 9

(15) Louise the Lobster rolls 7

Rose hisses at Louise, not liking other animals. She grabs hold of a length of string and starts running with it.
As Louise reaches down with her claws Rose darts past and slips in between the lobsters tiny legs. The string she is carrying with her gets tangled in those little legs and sends the lobster crashing to the ground.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(74) Rose The Untamed rolls 6

(15) Louise the Lobster rolls 9

Louise the Lobster stands and dusts herself off, she watches the little cat causing chaos in the kitchen, crashing about the place and generally having a great time.
Louise scuttles over to a cupboard and reaches inside while waiting for the cat to come by.
She doesn't have long to wait as Rose races towards her while making tiny roaring noises with the devil in her eyes.
As she gets near, Louise pulls out a giant bag of cat litter from the cupboard and smacks Rose over the head with a mighty WHUMP!

The shadowy figure stops stirring a bowl of melted butter and curses.

Louise the Lobster scuttles out of the arena.
Rose The Untamed is lapping at a saucer of milk in the beach bar while hissing at anyone who gets too close.

Fight 12 - (61) an encyclopedia vs (10) Vasily

vs

"The killer book is back - (61) an encyclopedia, just sitting there for the moment. Approaching from the right while sniffing the air tentatively is the bear (10) Vasily, 500 kg of fur and muscle."

The arena is a quaint cottage.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(61) an encyclopedia rolls 7

(10) Vasily rolls 11

an encyclopedia opens and closes himself rapidly, sending gusts of wind over the bowl of porridge sitting on the dining table. Vasily wanders over to the table hungrily and takes a mouthful only to spit it out again with disgust.

The book cackles to himself as he mysteriously appears atop a wardrobe ready to commit coup de grace on the oversized furball.
As an encyclopedia laughs at his own wickedness he doesn't notice Vasily stand on his hind legs and face him. The book stops laughing and says "uh oh" just as the bear roars and grabs him with his great claws.

Vasily is mighty pissed at having his lunch ruined and rips and tears at the book until there are only shreds of paper left.

Vasily stomps out of the arena looking for any pic-a-nic baskets that may be lying around.
an encyclopedia is at the bar giving people paper cuts.

DAY 20 - Aug. 31, 2022
The band plays: click here

Fight 13 - (12) Muskito vs (62) Skeletinio

vs

"Our buzzing, disease ridden friend (12) Muskito flies in from the left. How effective he will be against (62) Skeletinio, the bony yet talented footballer, I don't know."

the arena is a 5-a-side football pitch.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(12) Muskito rolls 7

(62) Skeletinio rolls 9

Skeletinio is in the middle of the pitch doing keepy uppies while shouting 'Ole' with each one. Muskito is buzzing around thinking to himself that there must be an artery somewhere.
A trick of the light fools the mozzy who speeds in for the kill only to crash into solid bone, bending his proboscis.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(12) Muskito rolls 8

(62) Skeletinio rolls 7

Muskito retreats while cursing only to startle an amateur photographer in the crowd. In panic his camera goes flying through the air to strike Skeletinio on the head.
"Ay, caramba!" he shouts while rubbing his bruised skull.

* Dice Roll 3 *


(12) Muskito rolls 9

(62) Skeletinio rolls 6

Muskito heads to his tiny control room that he had built into a corner of the arena without anyone noticing. Hundred of tiny drones fly into the arena, each carry a heavy brick.
Skeletinio sees them with an 'Eep!' and kicks his energy ball in their direction, destroying dozens. There are too many though and soon Skeletinio is reduced to a pile of broken bones under an avalanche of bricks.

Muskito does a victory lap and flies out of the arena.
Skeletinio is whole again and enjoying a cocktail at the bar.

Fight 14 - (57) Rock vs (41) Elemental Battle Golem

vs

"That is a large rock in the middle of the arena, I wonder how (57) Rock got there? Stomping in from the right is the 3 metre tall, 6 armed (41) Elemental Battle Golem."

* Dice Roll 1 *


(57) Rock rolls 2

(41) Elemental Battle Golem rolls 5

EBG studies Rock wondering if this is what he is meant to fight. He kicks Rock to move it out of the way but hurts his toe in the process.
Now in a rage, EBG blast Rock with everything he has - from each set of hands comes lightning, freezing blasts and fireballs. This rages on for 10 minutes and when it has finished EBG looks down and says "Rock eh? I rename you Pebble!"

Elemental Battle Golem stomps out while laughing at his own joke.
Rock is in the middle of the beach bar just sat there in everyones way.

Fight 15 - (89) Stormhand vs (69) Soichiro Honda

vs

"Flying into the arena in his recently cleaned tuxedo is (89) Stormhand, a 2 metre tall eagle with human like qualities such as his hands and the ability to walk upright on his legs. Roaring in on his trusty motorcycle Agro is
(69) Soichiro Honda, the anime teen looking to defeat the Demon Lord (who may or may not be the shadowy ring master)."

The arena is a park.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(89) Stormhand rolls 6

(69) Soichiro Honda rolls 11

Stormhand stops by the fountain and sips some water. Soichiro approaches awkwardly while yelling his life story to the eagle at the top of his voice.
"I say old chap" Stormhand says while grimacing at the teens obvious lack of social skills "would you mind toning it down a bit? I have a terrible headache!"

Soichiro carries on, oblivious to the eagles discomfort "OH YA, ONE TIME I WAS WALKING AND A SQUIRREL FELL ON MY HEAD AND THEN I TROD..."
Dear God, Stormhand thinks to himself, how do I make him stop? Stormhand flaps his wings to create air whirls with the aim of transporting Soichiro some place else. As the gust of air start to pick up, Agro the motorcycle happens by blasting out clouds of stinking smoke which is caught up in the air whirls and sent back in the eagles direction.

"Oh for crying out loud!" Stormhand is distraught as the smoke clears and he looks down at his ruined tuxedo. He turns tail and storms out of the arena holding his sore head as he goes.

Soichiro Honda puzzles where his new friend has gone then shrugs, hops on Agro and speeds out of the arena.
Stormhand is having cocktails (and a couple of paracetamol) with a skeleton at the bar while waiting for his tux to return from the dry cleaners.

DAY 21 - Sep. 01, 2022
The band plays: click here

Fight 16 - (70) Sri Sri vs (38) Chatterbox

vs

"The charlatan... sorry, the world-renowned new age spiritual guru (70) Sri Sri floats into the arena sat cross legged on a carpet.
What the... get out... SHOO! I am the last person, well creature, that needs a subconscious. Close your minds or risk being invaded by (38) Chatterbox."

The arena is a strangely luxurious temple.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(70) Sri Sri rolls 5

(38) Chatterbox rolls 11

Sri Sri sips gold leafed tea from his diamond encrusted cup. He leans back and relaxes as the donations constantly ring in on his Youtube channel.
Yet, for probably the first time since he found his true calling as a spiritual leader, he is not at ease with his lot in life.
It is almost as if some alien presence has invaded his subconscious.

Images are flashing through his mind, little old ladies selling everything including their dentures, parents sending their children of to an orphanage just so that they can sell the kids toys and clothes, couples killing each other to claim on the life insurance - all so that they can donate to his sham religion and find some inner peace.

Panic grips Sri Sri and he mumbles to himself over and over "Damnation awaits me for misleading the flock!"
He rings his accountant and pleads with the man to refund everyone who has donated to his channel. The accountant just laughs and tells him to ease up on the funny cigarettes.

He tries to cancel his Youtube channel but is bombarded by a constant stream of adverts pushing him towards new cars, bigger mansions, marrying Kardashians!

Sri Sri curls up into a gibbering ball on the ground, unable to cope with the guilt his subconscious is assaulting him with conflicting with his insatiable greed.

Chatterbox floats out of the arena unsure of where he will wind up next.
Sri Sri is in a straight-jacket, rocking back and forth at the Beach Bar.

Fight 17 - (7) Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner vs (37) Radaggarb the Unclean

vs

HONK! "Ack, that is (7) Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner racing around the arena while sounding her horn.
Phew, what is that smell? Ah, it is the return of (37) Radaggarb the Unclean, the being of filth from a land known as 'Disgusting'."

The arena is a stretch of highway.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(7) Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner rolls 10

(37) Radaggarb the Unclean rolls 9

Radaggarb belches corrosive toxic fumes towards Marge but she transforms into a large robot and steps over them. With her two brooms she starts to give the protesting Radaggarb a good dusting.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(7) Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner rolls 11

(37) Radaggarb the Unclean rolls 2

Marge turns back into truck form and moves to the end of the highway to give herself room to pick up speed. Radaggarb is picking rotten meat from in between his black teeth with dirty, cracked finger nails.

HONK, HONK! Marge races down the highway towards her target. Radaggarb casually drops his pants, bends over and lets rip with an almighty fart that destroys a large chunk of road in front of the Mini Cleaner.
Marge skids past on two wheels, sweeps Radaggarb up with her brooms as she goes, then stops suddenly sending him flying out of the arena leaving a trail of filth and debris in his wake.

With a happy HONK Marge drives out of the arena.
Radaggarb is gorging himself by the bins at the Beach Bar.

Fight 18 - (16) Captain Whiskers vs (48) Shroomy

vs

"Purring and licking himself is (16) Captain Whiskers, a small but hardy cat. Opposing is the mushroom from hell (48) Shroomy."

The arena is a dank pond surrounded by trees.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(16) Captain Whiskers rolls 7

(48) Shroomy rolls 6

Captain Whiskers does a zoomie up to the giant mushroom but stops short at seeing red goo oozing out of its skin. Being no stranger to disease himself, the tubby little cat wave one tiny sharp claw in front of the Shroomy, teasing him before slicing through his skin with it to see what will happen.
Shroomy shudders at the assault and bleeds more goo.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(16) Captain Whiskers rolls 9

(48) Shroomy rolls 7

Shroomy feels as fatigued as is possible for a mushroom as red bumps, sores and blisters appear all over his skin. This nasty little cat has given me Bartonella henselae (cat scratch disease) he thinks to himself.
Captain Whiskers cleans himself some more before looking up at Shroomy and saying "Meowrr?"

* Dice Roll 3 *


(16) Captain Whiskers rolls 11

(48) Shroomy rolls 7

Captain Whiskers gives himself a shake and hundreds of fleas hop from the cat onto Shroomy. These are not normal fleas though, they are mini versions of Captain Whiskers and set about tucking into the mushrooms spongey flesh.

"Why does everything want to eat me?" Shroomy laments "I'm disgusting, it's supposed to be my main defence!"
The cat fleas have soon reduced him to a mouldering mess.

Captain Whiskers gives his mightiest little "rowwrr" and zoomies out of the arena.
Shroomy is outside the bar with a tube pumping cider from a keg into him.

DAY 22 - Sep. 02, 2022
The band plays: click here

Fight 19 - (81) Rude Rooster vs (32) Shield Lady

vs

"Fighting his Agoraphobia and channelling his struggles into hurling insults at the crowd, we have the aptly named (81) Rude Rooster.
Clanging her precious shields together, (32) Shield Lady storms into the arena."

The arena is a barnyard.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(81) Rude Rooster rolls 10

(32) Shield Lady rolls 6

The Rooster spits on the ground in front of Shield Lady and gives a lopsided grin. She rolls her eyes, clashes her shields together and takes up a battle stance.
Rude Rooster lets out a high pitched scream that stuns the woman then rushes in and starts hammering her left shield repeatedly with his beak. There is a blinding flash and an almighty crash as the shield breaks in two.

The dazed Shield Lady drops to her knees, all fight gone out of her. A single tear rolls down her face.

Rude Rooster moons the booing crowd as he leaves the arena and gives the avian equivalent of two fingers.
Shield Lady is at the bar hugging her newly repaired shield.

Fight 20 - (68) Neptun vs (3) 1H1K-EZ9000

vs

"We are blessed with the presence of a God! An over the hill and tired God, granted, I give you (68) Neptun.
Hovering above the arena is the tiny but formidable spaceship 1H1K-EZ9000."

The arena is the sea.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(68) Neptun rolls 8

(3) 1H1K-EZ9000 rolls 3

1H1K-EZ9000 flies low over the water, charging its weapons for maximum damage.
Neptun pretends not to notice before taking a mouthful of water from the sea and spitting it all over the little spaceship. Simultaneously he clicks his fingers and turns the water into ice. He breaks off the cube of ice that contains the trapped
1H1K-EZ9000 and after summoning a troll, they play badminton with the separating net being made up of clouds.

Neptun gets tired of his game and sends a mental calling to his mermaid followers. They appear with his comfy chair and slippers in tow. Neptun bats 1H1K-EZ9000 clear of the arena and then settles down for an afternoon nap.

The mermaids carry the sleeping Neptun away.
1H1K-EZ9000 is thawed out and relaxing at the bar.

Fight 21 - (82) Unit 14QN9 vs (17) Mors the Plaguebearer

vs

"The refurbished Giant Robotic Space Scorpion of Doom (82) Unit 14QN9 is standing menacingly in the arena. I like him, he's cuddly.
Leaping in to face him we have (17) Mors the Plaguebearer, a giant rat with some badass fleas."

The arena stays as it is.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(82) Unit 14QN9 rolls 4

(17) Mors the Plaguebearer rolls 6

Unit 14QN9 steps forward menacingly but then has one of his frequent software glitches. He turns away from Mors the Plaguebearer and instead fires superheated bolts of plasma from his stinger into the crowd.
The giant rat leaps up into the alcove and sits next to the shadowy figure. They enjoy a large tub of popcorn while watching the show as screams ring out across the arena.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(82) Unit 14QN9 rolls 5

(17) Mors the Plaguebearer rolls 5

The shadowy figure strokes Mors while its fleas run up and down his arms. Unit 14QN9 continues his rampage unabated.

* Dice Roll 3 *


(82) Unit 14QN9 rolls 4

(17) Mors the Plaguebearer rolls 8

Smoke rises from Unit 14QN9's head as his operating system overheats. Bodies surround him in various states of mutilation.
The popcorn now all gone, the ringmaster turns to Mors and says "finish it".
Mors the Plaguebearer wiggles his nose and fleas swarm down the arena and converge on the robo-scorpion. They chew through wiring and munch on circuit boards leaving Unit 14QN9 a smoking wreck.

Mors the Plaguebearer bounds out of the arena with the fleas following close behind.
Unit 14QN9 is at the bar watching a film on the big screen with people running in panic from robot attackers.

DAY 23 - Sep. 04, 2022
The band plays: click here

Fight 22 - (71) Bronze Catman vs (21) Bernard Rumpelstiltskin

vs

"Strutting in is (71) Bronze Catman who will face the old but young mage (21) Bernard Rumpelstiltskin."

The arena is a dark alley.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(71) Bronze Catman rolls 8

(21) Bernard Rumpelstiltskin rolls 11

As Bronze Catman enters the arena a surfer dude in the audience starts hollering "Woooo, dude! Gnarly man!" This irritates the anthropomorphic cat no end and he wiggles his nose, turning the surfer into a very confused zebra.

Bernard Rumpelstiltskin had been sizing up the surfer as a potential barbarian companion, puts his hands on his hips and exhales loudly through his nose.
With intricate hand movements Bernard summons a cloud to appear above Catman's head who looks up warily.
With a peal of thunder the cloud unleashes a torrential downpour of diamonds in rain form.
Bronze Catman hisses in anguish as he is reduced to a bloody mess by his one big weakness.

Dozens of crowd members race in to the arena to grab the scattered diamonds but these are put to the sword by swooping Valkyries who in turn scoop up the precious stones and drop them at the ringmasters feet.

Bernard Rumpelstiltskin magics himself away.
Bronze Catman is enjoying the company of other cats at the bar.

Fight 23 - (31) Katmeleonpus vs (40) The Dark Horseman

vs

"That cute mewling sound comes from the little hybrid with tentacles and a chameleons tongue, Katmeleonpus.
Riding in on his horse The Phantom is The Dark Horseman, invincible but not unbeatable."

The arena is an open field.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(31) Katmeleonpus rolls 9

(40) The Dark Horseman rolls 8

The Dark Horseman charges forward, his silver sword flashing through the air. Katmeleonpus hisses and shoots out her long sticky tongue to wrap around Phantoms legs, sending the mare crashing to the ground with a pained whinny.
The Dark Horseman picks himself up and glares at the cat thing which gives an innocent "meow" in response.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(31) Katmeleonpus rolls 11

(40) The Dark Horseman rolls 6

The Dark Horseman advances on foot, blade poised to strike. Katmeleonpus spits ink into his eyes and then scampers forward on her octopus tentacles. With squelchy sucking sounds she climbs up his body and slips her long tongue under his helmet and around his throat.
She issues a series of taunting 'meows' as she proceeds to strangle the armoured figure but he dissipates into a grey mist before death can take hold.

The Dark Horseman appears whole again 6 feet away and bows while touching his blade to his forehead in recognition of his defeat to the cat hybrid.

Katmeleonpus leaves the arena while turning to spit some more ink on her vanquished foe as she goes.
The Dark Horseman sighs before appearing at the bar where he takes his horse to the adjoining stables to see to his wellbeing.

DAY 24 - Sep. 05, 2022
The band plays: click here

Fight 24 - (86) Glorqon vs (6) Lucy

vs

"Slowly moving into the arena is (86) Glorqon the silent gelatinous mass. Stomping in opposite is a stubborn, smelly, meddling dwarf Og'rialt and his louse companion. Yes, I see you poking your little head out from his beard. There is no hiding from me."

The arena stays as it is.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(86) Glorqon rolls 9

(6) Lucy rolls 7

Og'rialt advances while slapping his battle axe against the palm of his hand. Lucy telepathically tells him to aim for the head. "Where would that be exactly?" grumbles the dwarf.
Og'rialt strikes Glorqon with all his might but the sentient jelly absorbs the impact, sending ripples of pain down Og'rialt's arm and knocking Lucy free of his beard. She hits the ground with a tiny 'oof'.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(86) Glorqon rolls 10

(6) Lucy rolls 8

Glorqon slides forward and envelopes the dwarf, looking to subdue rather than kill him. Lucy's head throbbing from Og'rialt's mental pleas for help, she dons her battle helmet, adopts a grim look of determination and summons her many caterpillar followers.

Glorqon slowly backs away from the tiny army of hungry creatures leaving Og'rialt lying on the ground, gasping for breath.

* Dice Roll 3 *


(86) Glorqon rolls 11

(6) Lucy rolls 8

Lightening crackles down from the shadowed alcove, smiting the caterpillars from existence. "Whoopsie" chuckles the ringmaster. The startled louse finds herself being lifted by an invisible force and sped up to the shadowy figures seat.

As Og'rialt struggles to his feet Glorqon inches forward and smothers the stocky hero again. Og'rialt fights to break free but eventually succumbs to a lack of oxygen and falls unconscious. The blob moves back, not wanting to cause any permanent damage.

The shadowy figure holds Lucy in the air in front of him. "It is time for you to know what you are up against my fat little friend" he cackles evilly. The hood falls back from his head so that Lucy, and Lucy alone, can see his face.
The crowd in the arena recoil as they are all struck by the mental shriek of terror that Lucy emits.

Glorqon slowly slides out of the arena.
Og'rialt is at the bar comforting a still shaking Lucy, who is sipping a tiny glass of whisky to calm her nerves.

Fight 25 - (22) Colonel Ben K'Neill vs (5) Beldarion

vs

"Beaming into the arena from his spaceship is (22) Colonel Ben K'Neill. Cocky space hero and defender of Earth.
Opposite is dark-skinned mercenary (5) Beldarion, his magical fiery bastard sword Waihyra gripped firmly in his right hand."

Beldarion looks up at the shadowy alcove nervously having been tasked with confronting the ringmaster by a scheming
dwarf. He thinks better of it.

The arena is a fighting pit.

* Dice Roll 1 *


(22) Colonel Ben K'Neill rolls 5

(5) Beldarion rolls 4

Colonel Ben K'Neill pulls out his P90 sub-machine gun and starts firing. Beldarion is forced into a series of desperate dives and rolls to avoid being blasted, eventually getting behind a pillar for safety.
"That was a close shave, eh Baldy?" quips Colonel Ben K'Neill.

* Dice Roll 2 *


(22) Colonel Ben K'Neill rolls 9

(5) Beldarion rolls 7

Beldarion charges with Waihyra raised, ready to strike. "By the power of Mumm-Ra!" he yells but is stopped in his tracks as Colonel Ben K'Neill blasts him in the chest with his Zat gun, leaving the warrior on his knees stunned as smoke rises from his chainmail.

* Dice Roll 3 *


(22) Colonel Ben K'Neill rolls 5

(5) Beldarion rolls 3

Colonel Ben K'Neill walks over to his struggling opponent and says "Nice outfit, where did you get it from, the 1970s?" He laughs to himself.
Beldarion looks sideways at the spaceman, confusion etched on his face.
Annoyed at the mercenary rudely not laughing at his joke, Ben kicks him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him.

Colonel Ben K'Neill walks away gingerly while whispering "note to myself, don't kick people wearing armour".

* Dice Roll 4 *

Beldarion receives a -1 penalty to his next dice roll.


(22) Colonel Ben K'Neill rolls 6

(5) Beldarion rolls 4 (-1) = 3

Colonel Ben K'Neill contacts his spaceship "I'm ready to return but rather than beaming me up, land in the arena and make a show of it for the crowd."
"Aye, aye Colonel" is the reply.

The spaceship slowly descends and manoeuvres to land in front of the Colonel. Unfortunately the pilot doesn't notice that there is another figure lying prone on the ground.
Beldarion looks up to see several hundred tonnes of metal approaching and spits "By the luckless Gods of Karsiask!" just before being flattened.

Colonel Ben K'Neill runs his hands through his hair and sighs "What I would give for a competent crew".

Colonel Ben K'Neill flies out of the arena aboard his spaceship.
Beldarion is sat at the bar drinking and glowering at anyone who tries to sit next to him.

 ROUND 3

*** ROYAL RUMBLE ***

Enter Louise the Lobster, Mors the Plaguebearer, Chatterbox and Neptun
(Sep. 07, 2022)
The band are now at the arena and play: click here

Enter (15) Louise the Lobster and (17) Mors the Plaguebearer

vs

Tiny legs clattering loudly on the concourse as she heads towards the ring, (15) Louise the Lobster raises her claws in acknowledgement to the cheers from the crowd.
Scuttling from the opposite direction comes (17) Mors the Plaguebearer, his fleas jumping up and down on his back excitedly.

* DICE ROLL *


Louise the Lobster rolls 7

Mors the Plaguebearer rolls 6

With a snarl, Mors send his fleas in to attack. Squeezing her beady little eyes shut in concentration, Louise expels her millions of baby lobsters whose tiny little claws make short work of the troublesome insects.

Enter (38) Chatterbox

vs vs

A presence of mind drifts into the arena in the form of (38) Chatterbox. While he doesn't get to choose his host, he is excited by the new options currently seated in the crowd.
He settles into the mind of an anthropomorphic cat with a bowl haircut who absentmindedly steps out of the audience and climbs into the ring.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

Mors the Plaguebearer attacks Chatterbox
Chatterbox attacks Louise the Lobster
Louise the Lobster attacks Mors the Plaguebearer

* DICE ROLL *


Mors the Plaguebearer rolls 10

Chatterbox rolls 10

Chatterbox/Catpain Patcool pulls out his throwing knives and launches them at the giant rat, hoping for the best as he doesn't know which end is the dangerous one (which Chatterbox is puzzled by).
Mors stands on his hind legs and bats the knives away with his metal enhanced claws. He flashes a toothy grin.


Chatterbox rolls 9

Louise the Lobster rolls 3

Chatterbox/Catpain Patcool mixes a load of explosive elements in a flask with the aim of eliminating the disease ridden rat once and for all. Mors lurches towards him though causing Chatterbox to jump back in panic and throw the flask behind himself where Louise was sneaking up.
Louise the Lobster's beady eyes widen as the flask flies towards her before the resulting explosion sends lobster parts scattering across the arena.
The shadowy figure grabs a claw and exclaims "Finally! Now pass me the butter!"

Louise the Lobster rolls void
Mors the Plaguebearer rolls void

Louise the Lobster reappears whole in the audience.

Enter (68) Neptun

vs vs

Floating in atop a wave comes the weary God (68) Neptun.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

Chatterbox attacks Neptun
Neptun attacks Mors the Plaguebearer
Mors the Plaguebearer attacks Neptun

* DICE ROLL *


Chatterbox rolls 8

Neptun rolls 3

With large swathes of the arena turning to water to accommodate the approaching God, Chatterbox/Catpain Patcool slips over with a large splash. Regaining his feet he removes what is a bowl shaped wig from his head and tries wringing the water out of it.
He gives up and throws it away with an annoyed "Bah!" only to inadvertently launch it into the wide open mouth of the onrushing Neptun.

Neptun claws at his throat as the cat hair wig gets lodged before sinking beneath his wave, eyes glazed over.

Neptun rolls void
Mors the Plaguebearer rolls void

Mors the Plaguebearer rolls void
Neptun rolls void

Neptun is in the crowd splashing people mischievously.

Enter Aqua, Neo Cat and Colonel Ben K'Neill
(Sep. 08, 2022)
The band plays: click here

Enter (25) Aqua

vs vs

Following the watery path that Neptun had laid comes (25) Aqua, the mean tempered water being.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(25) Aqua attacks Chatterbox
(38) Chatterbox attacks Mors the Plaguebearer
(17) Mors the Plaguebearer attacks Chatterbox

* DICE ROLL *


Aqua rolls 3

Chatterbox rolls 8

Chatterbox drifts out of the conscious of Catpain Patcool who looks around in puzzlement before returning to the crowd while grumbling about his hair being missing.
Chatterbox drifts into the pouting Aqua's mind and immediately starts sowing the seeds of doubt.
Aqua pauses in a moment of self reflection "I keep smiting people for comparing me to lame Gods, maybe there is a reason for their confusion? Maybe I really am that accursed God Aqua and I am the confused one and not all the poor souls that I have destroyed!"

Wailing in anguish, Aqua rides a wave in to the startled crowd and heads for a Fire Drake sat at the far corner.
"Release me from this torment!" she cries as she dives into the beasts open mouth and down to its fiery gullet.

Chatterbox leaves the scene as the Drake burps a puff of smoke.


Chatterbox rolls 10

Mors the Plaguebearer rolls 8

Chatterbox (who is quite enjoying himself at this point) invades Mors mind. Mors feels the intrusion and tries to fight it knowing that he doesn't have a subconscious of his own.
A voice in his head keeps sending images of chocolate to his brain. His mouth salivates as he spots a snack cart situated by the arenas edge. He tries to fight his urges as he is 5 years clean from eating candy treats.

His hunger is too strong and he leaps down to snarl menacingly at the portly vendor, sending him scurrying away. The giant rat then proceeds to gorge himself on as much chocolate as he can stuff into his large mouth.


Mors the Plaguebearer rolls 12

Chatterbox rolls 9

Mors roars and sends the food cart flying away with a swipe of his claws. He turns his mind inwards and with supernatural concentration finds the interloper there.
A battle of wits ensues and ends with Chatterbox being expelled from the rats mind and barred from ever entering again.
Mors climbs back into the ring feeling victorious.

Aqua being in charge of her own thoughts again is sat in a watery part of the arena next to Neptun, certain that she isn't really a sucky God.
Chatterbox is drifting in and out of peoples/creatures minds in the crowd.

Enter (24) Neo Cat

vs

Racing into the ring faster than a cat should be able to comes (24) Neo Cat.

* DICE ROLL *


Mors the Plaguebearer rolls 4

Neo Cat rolls 4

Mors instantly backs away from the newcomer unsure if an android cat would trigger his horrendous allergies.
Neo stands in the middle of the ring and starts showing of his kung fu/ninja moves while making "Meoowwwrrrr" noises.

Enter (22) Colonel Ben K'Neill

vs vs

A spaceship lands in the middle of the arena sending Neo and Mors scurrying to the sides of the ring. (22) Colonel Ben K'Neill runs down the gangplank and quips "What should you do if you see a green alien? Wait until it’s ripe!"

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(24) Neo Cat attacks Mors the Plaguebearer
(17) Mors the Plaguebearer attacks Neo Cat
(22) Colonel Ben K'Neill attacks Mors the Plaguebearer

* DICE ROLL *


Neo Cat rolls 6

Mors the Plaguebearer rolls 10

Mors breathes a sigh of relief at merely getting a slight dose of the sniffles in the company of the android cat. Neo spins around to look at him before letting his eyes drift upwards and smiling wickedly.
Mors looks up to see a giant yarn ball plummeting towards him and swears.

The rat calls in a swarm of locusts which start devouring the advancing ball of death. By the time it reaches ground level it is no bigger than a tennis ball and it bounces of Mors head, much to his annoyance.
Then with a snarl and a wave of a claw, Mors sends his locusts hurtling towards the startled Neo. The android lets rip with his lasers, incinerating many of the insects but they do their job and Neo's metallic parts fall to the canvas leaving a scared and naked cat in their place.
He gives a pitiful "mewl?" and runs out of the arena as the giant rat chuckles to himself.

* DICE ROLL *

Mors the Plaguebearer rolls void
Neo Cat rolls void

* DICE ROLL *


Colonel Ben K'Neill rolls 7

Mors the Plaguebearer rolls 7

Ben raises an eyebrow "that cat reminds me of my own fluffy-wuffy, snugglecoms at home". He whips out his P90 sub-machine gun and lets rip.
Mors stands on his hind legs and with surprising speed, he bats the bullets away using his metal enhanced claws.

Neo Cat is in the audience, once more an android.

Enter Fighting for Dummies, Soichiro Honda and Glorqon
(Sep. 09, 2022)
The band plays: click here

Enter (50) Fighting for Dummies

vs vs

Being carried into the ring by an ensorcelled Ogre is (50) Fighting for Dummies.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(50) Fighting for Dummies attacks Mors the Plaguebearer
(22) Colonel Ben K'Neill attacks Fighting for Dummies
(17) Mors the Plaguebearer attacks Colonel Ben K'Neill

* DICE ROLL *


Fighting for Dummies rolls 3

Mors the Plaguebearer rolls 9

As the slack-jawed Ogre climbs into the ring, Mors sends his fleas over on the attack. The tiny insects bite the behemoth over and over again and take residence in his body hair (ew) bite those regions in particular.
Fighting for Dummies struggles to keep control of its slave, hurling curses and assaulting its puny mind.
All to no avail though, as the constant distraction of the biting pain sees the Ogre break free of its shackles and with a huge roar, rip the book in two.

* DICE ROLL *

Colonel Ben K'Neill rolls void
Fighting for Dummies rolls void

* DICE ROLL *


Mors the Plaguebearer rolls 6

Colonel Ben K'Neill rolls 4

Mors leaps away from the defeated book of evil to attack the distracted Colonel, grabbing him in his huge jaws and shaking him around before flinging the space hero against his ship.
The dazed Colonel Ben K'Neill struggles to his feet, feeling the teeth marks in his tactical vest, before looking at Mors with blurry vision and mumbling "Jeez, you are one ugly kitty...".

Fighting for Dummies is leaning against a rock in the crowd.

Enter (69) Soichiro Honda

vs vs

Whooping as he tears in on his faithful motorcycle Agro comes (69) Soichiro Honda.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(17) Mors the Plaguebearer attacks Colonel Ben K'Neill
(22) Colonel Ben K'Neill attacks Soichiro Honda
(69) Soichiro Honda attacks Mors the Plaguebearer

* DICE ROLL *


Mors the Plaguebearer rolls 9

Colonel Ben K'Neill rolls 5

The giant rat ignores the polluting motorbike and grabs Colonel Ben K'Neill, use his metal claws to shred his clothing. He mentally commands his locust swarm to enter through Ben's torn pants and to give him a colonic irrigation with a difference.
Colonel Ben K'Neill's crew turn away from their screens as their leaders eyes go wide and the locusts pass through him and out of his open mouth.

* DICE ROLL *

Colonel Ben K'Neill rolls void
Soichiro Honda rolls void

* DICE ROLL *


Soichiro Honda rolls 8

Mors the Plaguebearer rolls 8

Soichiro throws up in his mouth a little at the fate of the spaceman. He runs around in circles while shouting at the top of his voice "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!"
Mors gathers his pestilent pets and grimaces at the volume of the anime teens voice.

Colonel Ben K'Neill is sitting gingerly in the audience.

Enter (86) Glorqon

vs vs

The gelatinous purple matter (86) Glorqon slides into the arena.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(86) Glorqon attacks Mors the Plaguebearer
(17) Mors the Plaguebearer attacks Glorqon
(69) Soichiro Honda attacks Mors the Plaguebearer

* DICE ROLL *


Glorqon rolls 11

Mors the Plaguebearer rolls 6

Glorgon moves forward slowly passing through a small puddle of tears left by Neo Cat when he was stripped of his android side. In the process, Glorgon takes on his feline properties.
Mors watches the mass approaching cautiously. His nose starts to twitch uncontrollably, which is strange as there are no cats in the ring with him.

Mors sneezes non-stop, blood running from his eyes as his allergies take hold. His fleas desert him as his body spasms violently until suddenly his spine snaps in two ending his torment.

Glorgon looks on emotionlessly.

Soichiro Honda runs around some more while yelling loudly.

* DICE ROLL *

Mors the Plaguebearer rolls void
Glorqon rolls void

* DICE ROLL *

Soichiro Honda rolls void
Mors the Plaguebearer rolls void

Mors the Plaguebearer is lurking near Radaggarb the Unclean on the fringes of the crowd.

Enter Katmeleonpus and Superdupont
(Sep. 10, 2022)
The band plays: click here

Enter (31) Katmeleonpus

vs vs

Loud sucking/slapping sounds and mewling alerts everyone to the entrance of (31) Katmeleonpus.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(86) Glorqon attacks Soichiro Honda
(31) Katmeleonpus attacks Soichiro Honda
(69) Soichiro Honda attacks Katmeleonpus

* DICE ROLL *


Glorqon rolls 5

Soichiro Honda rolls 6

Glorqon focuses his silent attention on the loud anime teen. With deliberation he forms the shape of a finger put to lips in a shushing motion.
Soichiro Honda looks at the purple mass in confusion, then resumes running around in a panic while yelling "PURPLE JELLY IS MY FAVOURITE JELLY BUT I DON'T WANT TO BE EATEN BY THE JELLY. ONE TIME, THIS RABBIT..."

Someone from the audience shouts "Shut the hell up!" and a laser beam fires from the crowd. Soichiro Honda trips over his own feet as the laser is fired, it goes over his head to hit Glorqon and blasts a piece off of him.
The separated bit Glorqon expands and takes on a sentience of its own.

* DICE ROLL *


Katmeleonpus rolls 2

Soichiro Honda rolls 4

Katmeleonpus shoots out her sticky tongue to envelop Soichiro but Agro revs his engine and intervenes. The tongue sticks to the back of the motorbike and it speeds round and round the cat-hybrid, tying it up with its own appendage.

* DICE ROLL *


Soichiro Honda rolls 7

Katmeleonpus rolls 7

Soichiro doesn't see Katmeleonpus and trips over her getting entangled with her tentacles and long sticky tongue. Together they make an anime-hybrid ball, both struggling to break free.
Glorqon watches impassively, as does the newly formed mini Glorqon.

Enter (78) Superdupont

vs vs vs

Flying in and laughing at the muddled up contestants below with a haughty "Honhonhonhon" is (78) Superdupont.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(31) Katmeleonpus attacks Superdupont
(86) Glorqon attacks Soichiro Honda
(69) Soichiro Honda attacks Superdupont
(78) Superdupont attacks no-one

* DICE ROLL *


Katmeleonpus rolls 6

Superdupont rolls 10

Superdupont lands by the tied up Katmeleonpus who spits ink at him with a hiss but misses.
"Look at you, you silly catentacle thing" he whips out a stale baguette and hits her on the head while chortling "la bonk" knocking her out.

* DICE ROLL *


Glorqon rolls 5

Soichiro Honda rolls 2

Soichiro manages to free himself from the cat hybrid and scrambles away only to go careening into the gelatinous mass that is Glorqon.
Soichiro's vision goes dark due to a lack of oxygen. Agro speeds in to save him but is intercepted and absorbed by mini
Glorqon.
Glorqon spits them both out when they are no longer a threat.

* DICE ROLL *

Soichiro Honda rolls void
Superdupont rolls void

Katmeleonpus is in the crowd hissing at anyone who gets too close and slapping them with her tentacles.
Soichiro Honda is sat on his motorcycle in the crowd talking far too loudly for peoples liking.

Enter Human Cannonball, Elemental Battle Golem and Borellus de Castres
(Sep. 11, 2022)
The band plays: click here

Enter (42) Human Cannonball

vs vs

Dragging his cannon to the ring and puffing from the exertion is (42) Human Cannonball.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(78) Superdupont attacks Glorqon
(42) Human Cannonball attacks Superdupont
(86) Glorqon attacks Superdupont

* DICE ROLL *


Superdupont rolls 11

Glorqon rolls 6

Superdupont turns to the two Glorqons and twitches his moustache. "I am the greatest French superhero of all time, even greater than Pepé Le Pew, do not think that standing there wibbling like a pair of oversized jelly tots scares me!"
He whips a white flag out from under his vest, having first turned his back to the crowd so that they can't see, and wraps it around his baguette.
His eyes glow with the colours of the french tricolour and imbue the wrapped baguette with a special power.

Superdupont turns back to the gelatinous beings and with a 'honhonhon' hits both on what he presumes are their heads while saying "le bop" and "le splat".
Glorqon and his duplicate lose all solidity to their mass and drip out of the ring as a sticky purple liquid.

* DICE ROLL *


Human Cannonball rolls 3

Superdupont rolls 7

There is a loud explosion from behind Superdupont as Human Cannonball fires himself into the ring. He hits the Frenchman square in the back and falls to the floor with an "Oof".
Superdupont sighs, turns around and hits him on his helmeted head with his baguette "le bam" knocking him out.

* DICE ROLL *

Glorqon rolls void
Superdupont rolls void

Glorqon is seated in many places in the crowd having reformed himself into dozens of gelatinous beings.
Human Cannonball is seated atop his cannon at the front of the crowd.

Enter (41) Elemental Battle Golem

vs

(41) Elemental Battle Golem stomps in to the arena and uses his three pairs of hands to climb up into the ring.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(41) Elemental Battle Golem attacks Superdupont
(78) Superdupont attacks Elemental Battle Golem

* DICE ROLL *


Elemental Battle Golem rolls 10

Superdupont rolls 8

Elemental Battle Golem blasts Superdupont with both lightening and fireballs sending him flying across the ring to crash into the far side.

* DICE ROLL *


Superdupont rolls 5

Elemental Battle Golem rolls 3

Superdupont shakes his head and twitches his moustache angrily. He launches himself at the Golem and lands a series of punches faster than the eye can follow, cracking EBG's adamantium armour and forcing him to his knees.

Enter (26) Borellus de Castres

vs vs

Sauntering in while surrounded by homunculus is another Frenchman, (26) Borellus de Castres.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(41) Elemental Battle Golem attacks Borellus de Castres
(26) Borellus de Castres attacks Superdupont
(78) Superdupont attacks no-one

* DICE ROLL *


Elemental Battle Golem rolls 7

Borellus de Castres rolls 8

As Borellus climbs into the ring, the battered Elemental Battle Golem attacks with freezing blasts. Lenny the backup homunculus, with one eye missing and his tights on back to front, steps in front of the attack and sends it back to where it came from.

* DICE ROLL *


Borellus de Castres rolls 6

Superdupont rolls 6

Borellus eyes up Superdupont with disdain. "Step aside for a true Frenchman to take centre stage" he sneers.
"A true Frenchman?" Superdupont says incredulously "have you not seen the size of my baguette?". He waves the bread menacingly in the air.
"Pfft, I too have a magnificent baguette!" Borellus counters as he pulls out his own French bread.

Both Frenchmen move to the centre of the ring and start duelling with their baguettes. Elemental Battle Golem sees the opportunity to try to recover from the beating he has taken.

Enter Coral
(Sep. 12, 2022)
The band plays: click here

Enter (49) Coral

vs vs vs

The sudden dampness in the ring and sound of incoming rushing water heralds the arrival of (49) Coral.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(26) Borellus de Castres attacks Superdupont
(78) Superdupont attacks Borellus de Castres
(41) Elemental Battle Golem attacks Superdupont
(49) Coral attacks Superdupont

* DICE ROLL *


Borellus de Castres rolls 6

Superdupont rolls 8

The two proud Frenchmen duel back and forth, the air full of French expletives and Superdupont's musky smell.
Superdupont sweeps Borellus legs from under him, the alchemist falling on and crushing poor Lenny the backup homunculus.

* DICE ROLL *


Superdupont rolls 6

Borellus de Castres rolls 8

As Superdupont stands over his opponent, gloating, Borellus flicks something in his direction. Lucy homunculus, skinnier and slower than actual Lucy, lands by the superhero's ear and crawls in looking for a meal.
Superdupont frantically shakes his head and digs into his earhole with his finger while shouting "Get out of there you fat little maggot!"

* DICE ROLL *


Elemental Battle Golem rolls 7

Superdupont rolls 5

Elemental Battle Golem staggers to his feet and seeing the Frenchman distracted, blasts him in the chest with a series of fireballs. Superdupont is sent flying across the ring, the one saving grace being that Lucy homunculus is dislodged from his ear before she gets a chance to munch on any brains.

* DICE ROLL *


Coral rolls 3

Superdupont rolls 4

Superdupont flies around the ring as Elemental Battle Golem unleashes freezing blasts after him. The superhero crosses paths with the incoming Coral on her wave. The wave is hit by EBG's freezing blast and is turned to ice.
Unable to stop herself, Coral slides into the now frozen wave face first and knocked back onto her bum with a curse of "Ah, you son of a...!"

Enter Muskito
(Sep. 13, 2022)
The band plays by request: click here

Enter (12) Muskito

vs vs vs vs

Hovering above the carnage unnoticed is (12) Muskito.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(12) Muskito attacks (26) Borellus de Castres
(26) Borellus de Castres attacks (12) Muskito
(41) Elemental Battle Golem attacks no-one
(49) Coral attacks (41) Elemental Battle Golem
(78) Superdupont attacks (12) Muskito

* DICE ROLL *


Muskito rolls 7

Borellus de Castres rolls 7

Muskito attacks the French alchemist, looking forward to tasting his blood and maybe leaving a nice tropical disease in return. As he gets close, a short misshapen human with two shields, Shield Lady homunculus, blocks his path and slurs the words "You shall not pass!", her shields raised to protect her master.

* DICE ROLL *


Borellus de Castres rolls 7

Muskito rolls 9

From behind the shields Borellus lobs a flask filled with an explosive compound that he has concocted at the annoying insect. Muskito takes evasive action and hides behind a Golem for protection.
Muskito zips back out and around the protective shield to jab mini Shield Lady with his proboscis and infect her with a disease that leaves her swollen and helpless.
Borellus falls to his knees "My poor baby!"

* DICE ROLL *


Coral rolls 6

Elemental Battle Golem rolls 7

Coral focuses her ire on the big lummox that froze her wave. Her voice rings out as she tries to send Elemental Battle Golem to sleep. Her plan is working until she involuntarily lets out a little parp, interrupting her singing as she giggles "whoopsie".
Elemental Battle Golem shakes his head and backhands Coral, sending the Siren flying across the ring.

* DICE ROLL *


Superdupont rolls 8

Muskito rolls 2

Muskito hovers over the helpless Borellus when he is plucked out of the air by the strong fingers of Superdupont.
Muskito pleads with the superhero in fluent French but unfortunately his tiny voice goes unheard.
Superdupont mutters "annoying bug" and pinches his two fingers together, squishing Muskito in the process.

Muskito is in the crowd, gorging himself on a multitude of aliens blood.

Enter Bernard Rumpelstiltskin
(Sep. 14, 2022)
The band plays: click here

Enter (21) Bernard Rumpelstiltskin

vs vs vs vs

With a cry of "Alakazaam!" (21) Bernard Rumpelstiltskin magics himself into the ring.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(78) Superdupont attacks Bernard Rumpelstiltskin
(21) Bernard Rumpelstiltskin attacks Superdupont
(41) Elemental Battle Golem attacks Borellus de Castres
(26) Borellus de Castres attacks Elemental Battle Golem
(49) Coral attacks Superdupont

* DICE ROLL *


Superdupont rolls 6

Bernard Rumpelstiltskin rolls 11

Superdupont faces the slightly built mage and waves his baguette in the air menacingly. Bernard Rumpelstiltskin doubting his magical attacks effectiveness against a superhero takes a different approach.
He employs a school of magic that he rarely dabbles in and casts an illusion aimed specifically at Superdupont.

In the Frenchman's mind, his beloved homeland has been invaded and conquered by America. Its once quiet cafes have all been replaced by fast food joints as chunky folk waddle the streets while dressed in bermuda shorts and oversized basketball tops.
The Louvre's artwork has been swapped for baseball memorabilia and 'Karens' haunt shops and businesses demanding that everything be done to cater to their own specific needs.

Superdupont screams as he grasps his head in his hands. "This cannot be! What have you done to my beautiful France, the cultural heart of the free world!?"
He flies out of the arena while screaming in despair.



* DICE ROLL *

Bernard Rumpelstiltskin rolls void
Superdupont rolls void

* DICE ROLL *


Elemental Battle Golem rolls 8

Borellus de Castres rolls 11

Inspired by their masters rousing speech, a small army of homunculi cheer and turn towards Elemental Battle Golem with sharpened baguettes in their hands. All except little Lucy homunculus who instead chooses to eat her baguette, lips smacking in delight.

Elemental Battle Golem, who is running dangerously low on power takes a step back but is overwhelmed by the onrushing tide of death and destruction. Baguettes find weak spots in his joints, dismembering arms and legs and leaving EBG as a pile of body parts.

* DICE ROLL *

Borellus de Castres rolls void
Elemental Battle Golem rolls void

* DICE ROLL *

Coral rolls void
Superdupont rolls void

Superdupont having seen a psychiatrist has returned to the arena and is in the crowd munching on raw garlic.
Elemental Battle Golem having been rebuilt is in the crowd waving six giant foam hands in the air.

Enter Rolly
(Sep. 15, 2022)
The band plays: click here

Enter (44) Rolly

vs vs vs

Wobbling into the arena comes the jelly with attitude (44) Rolly.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(21) Bernard Rumpelstiltskin attacks Coral
(26) Borellus de Castres attacks Coral
(44) Rolly attacks Bernard Rumpelstiltskin
(49) Coral attacks Borellus de Castres

* DICE ROLL *


Bernard Rumpelstiltskin rolls 5

Coral rolls 6

Bernard revels in his victory over the French Superhero when a melodic voice caresses his eardrums. His eyelids grow heavy as water swirls around him with the Siren at its centre.

* DICE ROLL *


Borellus de Castres rolls 8

Coral rolls 3

With the baguettes being snaffled away by a mysterious and hungry being, Borellus rallies his troops "Time for plan B my little ones!"
A chorus of cheers rise up all around him as the homunculi pull out their secondary weapons, chocolate eclairs.

They advance on the siren while chanting "Eat the food or we eat your brains". Coral finds herself surrounded as shorter, changed versions of Elemental Battle Golem, Lady Mindy, Glanan Nightheart, Connie the Office Barbarian and The Vagabond approach while waving sweet, succulent, chocolatey eclairs. Her mouth drools as she drops to the floor ready to gorge on her most favourite of treats. She notices an eclair bouncing along on its own when suddenly a little head pops out the top as Lucy grins at her, cream running down her chin.

Five minutes later Coral leans back and loosens her belt to release the pressure on her bloated stomach. "Screw the fight, I need a nap" she mumbles contentedly as homunculi dance around her while holding hands.

* DICE ROLL *


Rolly rolls 11

Bernard Rumpelstiltskin rolls 7

Rolly sees the mage is still a bit drowsy from the siren song and charges in while yelling "For Papa Rock!"
Bernard tries to turn to face his foe but finds he has been immobilized by a slime surface. Rolly shimmies up close to him and wiggles as he unleashes the full power of his obnoxious smell.
"God, what is that awful smell" Bernard moans "Why is that eclair dancing on its own?" he doubles over and empties his stomach all over the canvass.
A Valkyrie flying above grumbles "I'll get the mop and bucket".

* DICE ROLL *

Coral rolls void
Borellus de Castres rolls void

Coral is chilling with the other water based contestants in the crowd.
Bernard Rumpelstiltskin is in the crowd drinking some lemonade to help settle his stomach.

Enter Gologomir Vitalis The Squad Killer
(Sep. 16, 2022)
The band plays: click here

Enter (75) Gologomir Vitalis The Squad Killer

vs vs

The Vesk Mercenary, (75) Gologomir Vitalis The Squad Killer stomps into the arena dishing out mean looks to anyone brave enough to meet his eyes.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(26) Borellus de Castres attacks Rolly
(44) Rolly attacks Gologomir Vitalis The Squad Killer
(75) Gologomir Vitalis The Squad Killer attacks Borellus de Castres

* DICE ROLL *


Borellus de Castres rolls 6

Rolly rolls 7

Rolly sees the oncoming wave of homunculi and begins a frantic war dance. He wobbles to the left, then sharply wiggles to the right before bobbing up and down on the spot, making strange squelching noises.
The bloodcurdling screams of Borellus little helpers is cut short as the ring is torn asunder by an earthquake and rocks fall from the sky.

Lady Mindy and The Vagabond are crushed by one particularly large Rock to which Rolly cheers "Yay, Dad!".

* DICE ROLL *


Rolly rolls 12

Gologomir Vitalis The Squad Killer rolls 4

Gologomir strides into the ring and starts blasting with his laser cannon while laughing maniacally. As everyone ducks for cover, in the crowd as well as the ring, Rolly anchors himself to the canvass with super jelly suction and grips hold of Rock.
He swings his Father around and round with the native flexibility of his Jelly heritage and as the mighty Vesk mercenary
gets close, Rolly lets go. Rock hits Gologomir square in the chest and takes him clear of the ring to collide with the far wall of the arena with a bloody splat.

* DICE ROLL *

Gologomir Vitalis The Squad Killer rolls void
Borellus de Castres rolls void

Gologomir Vitalis The Squad Killer is sat in the Crowd, crunching on a roasted pigs head.

Enter Captain Whiskers, Rude Rooster, Vasily, Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner and P-AE00FF
(Sep. 18, 2022)
The band played different tunes during these final fights, so each section will feature its own music.

Enter (16) Captain Whiskers, (81) Rude Rooster, (10) Vasily, (7) Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner and (35) P-AE00FF

vs vs vs
vs vs vs

The band plays: click here.

(16) Captain Whiskers zoomies in to loud mewling cheers from the multitude of cats in the crowd.
(81) Rude Rooster follows while grouching "****ing cats, I'm gonna turn y'all into a new carpet for my Ma".
With a roar (10) Vasily enters while scanning the crowd for evil scientists.
HONK HONK, here comes (7) Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner
The purple sentience that is (35) P-AE00FF drifts in, scouting those that oppose it.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(10) Vasily attacks P-AE00FF
(35) P-AE00FF attacks no-one
(26) Borellus de Castres attacks Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner
(81) Rude Rooster attacks Captain Whiskers
(16) Captain Whiskers attacks Rude Rooster
(7) Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner attacks P-AE00FF
(44) Rolly attacks no-one

* DICE ROLL *


Vasily rolls 8

P-AE00FF rolls 7

The purple entity P-AE00FF drifts in closer to better examine the ursine creature sat in the middle of the ring. While it has seen similar creatures before, the intricate scars on the head of this one points to experimentation and possible alteration.
Vasily stands up to his full 9 feet in height and scratches his arse. As he does, his massive frame blocks the light and casts a deep shadow over P-AE00FF who recoils in horror.

* DICE ROLL *


Borellus de Castres rolls 6

Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner rolls 7

Borellus eyes Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner and licks his lips thinking what a wonderful homunculus she would make. Marge sensing danger slams on the accelerator, honks her horn and barrels through the alchemist and his entourage scattering them like skittles.

* DICE ROLL *


Rude Rooster rolls 7

Captain Whiskers rolls 7

Rude Rooster looks around anxiously at his enclosed surroundings and the large crowd as his Agoraphobia threatens to take over.
Captain Whiskers arches his back and hisses at the fat, smelly bird.

* DICE ROLL *


Captain Whiskers rolls 5

Rude Rooster rolls 7

Rude Rooster sees the hissing little cat and spits on the floor. He pulls a large salmon from behind his back and slaps
Captain Whiskers across the face, knocking him dizzy.

* DICE ROLL *


Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner rolls 9

P-AE00FF rolls 9

Marge does wheelspins around the ring as she takes stock of a strange purple essence. P-AE00FF is delighted to get to study a being that it has never seen before, dreaming of the accolades he will receive when he returns to his own race.

The fight continues

vs vs vs
vs vs vs

The band plays: click here.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(10) Vasily attacks P-AE00FF
(81) Rude Rooster attacks no-one
(16) Captain Whiskers attacks Vasily
(35) P-AE00FF attacks Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner
(7) Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner attacks Vasily
(44) Rolly attacks Vasily
(26) Borellus de Castres attacks Captain Whiskers

* DICE ROLL *


Vasily rolls 5

P-AE00FF rolls 5

P-AE00FF returns for another look at the great bear making sure to keep out of his shadow. Vasily sniffs the air and looks around the ring to see if any of his opponents are edible.

* DICE ROLL *


Captain Whiskers rolls 2

Vasily rolls 5

Captain Whiskers feels very grumpy after being smacked with a fish. He spots the bear and does a zoomie towards it, ready to deliver a nasty cat disease with one of his bites. As he gets close Vasily yawns and plops down onto his haunches, squashing the little cat in the process.

* DICE ROLL *


P-AE00FF rolls 11

Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner rolls 5

Marge sees an opportunity to knock out both the bear and the strange purple essence in one go. She turns her headlights on full beam and honks gleefully as she revs towards them.
'Oh dear' P-AE00FF thinks as the headlights hit him filling his being with too much energy to contain. A powerful solar blast later and a smoking Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner is seen flying through the sky.

* DICE ROLL *

Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner rolls void
Vasily rolls void

* DICE ROLL *


Rolly rolls 8

Vasily rolls 8

Vasily turns his head towards a jelly that has just wobbled up beside him. He sniffs it and wrinkles his nose in disgust deciding not to eat it.
Rolly in turn sniffs the bear and mumbles "You think I smell bad!"

* DICE ROLL *

Borellus de Castres rolls void
Captain Whiskers rolls void

Captain Whiskers and Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner both join the crowd.

REACTIONS AND COMMENTS

Oddeus says:

Captain Whiskers, noooooo! Our last hope has been crushed. A sad day for the cats, and thus for the whole world.

* * *

FrostburnPhoenix tells Oddeus:

You still have Borellus de Castres. He can still win with an army of kittens at his side.

* * *

Lazarus_03 tells Oddeus:

"A sad day for the cats, and thus for the whole world."

(good thing I am not of this world…)
LOL Box!Well my unfortunate-self am, but sign me off of this cat fandomism too. .

(psychical fist bump!!!) || Psychical fist bump!!!

(sooo proud of you Manager.)
Right back at you Box.

* * *

Catventurer tells Lazarus_03:

That's okay... lizards, snakes ferrets, rats, mice, fish, birds, and dogs all need their fans too. I'm supporting you liking whatever it is that you like. <3

* * *

Lazarus_03 replies to Catventurer:

Aww, thank you so much for being so considera--

* Chatter-Flash-box * (note: flashback)



(you were saying? :P)
OH CRAP!

* * *

Vinry_. reports:

*shouts Shield Lady from the crowd as she tightly hugs her two shields on her lap*

"Borellus de Castres! You better win or I won't forgive you for using me as your homunculus!"

Also, it is indeed a sad time to all cats around the world as well as all that is clean in this universe. Cheer up, Captain Whiskers and Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner! For having reached this far into the tournament is already a great feat on its own.

* * *

Catventurer reports:

After finding himself teleported into the crowd, Captain Whiskers thinks that this means that he is King of the Crowd. He proceeds to hop into laps, purring and rubbing up to everyone in the crowd with no regards to what they look like or if they were a prior nemesis.

* * *

MaxFulvus reports:

With the defeat of Captain Whiskers, Borellus de Castres is now in possession of the homunculi of all of the Fight Club's feline fighters. Most of them now look like kittens, but they crave revenge and Borellus wants to exploit their resentment.

- "Do you know the story of the cats of Ulthar ?", he asks them.

- "It's bullshit ! A story invented by a failed writer", replies with contempt Captain Whiskers.

- "Absolutely not, says Borellus. There are many stories of cats who, moved by dark forces, united and took revenge on humans who persecuted them. All are true, because alone you are weak, but together you are more formidable than any living creature, and don't forget that you have 9 lives !".
The mini cats look at each other, feeling they still have a role to play in this tournament.
"Like the cats of Ulthar, unite and devour your foes. With your new homunculi friends, you are the masters of the Fight Club. Fight for me and you will live forever in glory and abundance. To war !" shouts Borellus.

"Meowwww !" answer the homunculi cats, followed by cheers from the other little warriors.

* * *

Catventurer clarifies:

Clarification: Captain Whiskers doesn't oppose either HP Lovecraft or his writings. While he's just an ordinary cat with ordinary cat sensibilities, his manager (myself) is well aware that Lovecraft himself knew that felines were far superior to everything else.

Five fighters remain

vs vs vs vs

The band plays: click here.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(26) Borellus de Castres attacks Rolly
(81) Rude Rooster attacks no-one
(44) Rolly attacks P-AE00FF
(10) Vasily attacks no-one
(35) P-AE00FF attacks Vasily

* DICE ROLL *


Borellus de Castres rolls 6

Rolly rolls 8

"Attack!" shouts Borellus as he and his private army bear down on Rolly. The cats homunculi - Catpain Patcool, Captain Whiskers, Neo Cat, Katmeleonpus, Ryzhik, Bronze Catman, Rose The Untamed - charge ahead meowing ferociously.
Rolly constricts with concentration as he pictures the Cerberus Lily from the first fight club. Using the technique taught to him by the monks of Um Bongo mountain monastery, he takes the form of said three headed dog.
Rolly lets out a triple roar and the cats, well kittens, scatter in panic.

* DICE ROLL *


Rolly rolls 7

P-AE00FF rolls 6

P-AE00FF moves forward to study the strange but well travelled jelly being in closer detail. One of the dog heads belches out a cloud of pure blackness and P-AE00FF beats a hasty retreat.

* DICE ROLL *


P-AE00FF rolls 5

Vasily rolls 11

P-AE00FF returns to the bear that so fascinates him. Vasily is tired and wants some privacy to rest his eyes. He looks around and gets agitated by the surrounding crowd, sure that there are evil scientists mingled in, watching him.
The great bear climbs out of the ring with the purple essence following him and grabs it between his mighty paws.
With a roar he lifts the ring up and gives it a shake, sending homunculi and contestants flying in the process. He then lowers the ring on top of himself to form a makeshift cave that he can sleep in.
A pitch black makeshift cave that P-AE00FF fails to react to in time as he slowly fades out of existence with no light to sustain him.

P-AE00FF is reborn in the crowd with many interesting subjects to study around him.

Four fighters remain

vs vs vs

The band plays: click here.

* ATTACK ORDER DICE ROLL *

(44) Rolly attacks Rude Rooster
(26) Borellus de Castres attacks Rude Rooster
(81) Rude Rooster attacks Vasily
(10) Vasily attacks Rolly

* DICE ROLL *


Rolly rolls 9

Rude Rooster rolls 6

Rude Rooster gags at an awful smell and spins around to face the oncoming Rolly. He attacks with one of his high pitched screams but Rolly's jelly form ripples as it absorbs the attack.
Rolly forms himself into a cube and engulfs the obnoxious bird, overpowering him through a combination of his stink and Roosters agoraphobia.

* DICE ROLL *

Borellus de Castres rolls void
Rude Rooster rolls void

* DICE ROLL *

Rude Rooster rolls void
Vasily rolls void

* DICE ROLL *


Vasily rolls 4

Rolly rolls 7

Vasily, in anger at having his sleep disturbed, blasts a hole through the bottom of the ring with his laser vision. He climbs through and roars with anger.
As he climbs through though, he gets stuck in a pool of Rolly's slime. Whoops sound from the crowd as a horde of formerly disguised evil scientists descend to recapture the bear.
Panic fills Vasily's eyes and he lifts the whole ring that he is stuck too and legs it for the exit.

Vasily is sat in the crowd surrounded by bones and bloodied lab coats.

Final

vs

Two contestants remain and face each other on the now bare concrete floor.

Rolly the jelly who has done his family proud on one side, Borellus de Castres and his minions on the other.

* DICE ROLL *


(26) Borellus de Castres rolls 3

(44) Rolly rolls 6

The exhausted Frenchman remembers his last encounter with the jelly and moves forward cautiously with his remaining homunculi by his side. Borellus eyes go wide as he recognises Rolly's attack dance "Run my little ones" he shouts, but it is too late.

As Rolly finishes bobbing up and down on the spot he calls out "Come to me now Dad, my aunts and uncles! Now is the time for our family to shine!"
An earthquake shakes the arena as rocks of all shapes and sizes fall on Borellus de Castres and his helpers. When the dust settles Borellus sinks to his knees and sobs "My poor babies!" as he looks around at the shattered bodies of his homunculi. He gathers them up in his arms and declares "You will live again, mark my words!"

Rolly is the champion of Fight Club.

The Champion is Crowned
(Sep. 19, 2022)

Rolly stands proudly in the middle of the arena...

Rolly stands proudly in the middle of the arena as the crowd cheers. There is a yapping noise followed by the arrival of Mr Chips dragging a trophy behind him, tail wagging as always.


(click to enlarge)

The little dog drops the trophy by Rolly, sniffs it and then cocks his leg to leave his scent. He goes to leave the arena but stops and turns to the crowd with a little "Rrrrr" which is met with meows and hisses. Happy as always, Mr Chips bounds for the exit.

The Shadowy Figure steps forward and clears his throat. He mumbles "Now where are my notes from last time, ah here they are."
"There we have your champion. He is neither the strongest, the smartest nor the scariest among you but one thing he does have is the eye of lady luck."
Rolly grabs the trophy as he is illuminated in a beam of light and lifts it to rapturous applause from the crowd.


(click to enlarge)

* The Prizes *

Rolly as the winner can have any three games of his choice, please message me what games you want. You are also to pick your two favourite characters from fight club to get one game each of their choice. Please post who you have picked and why you have picked them. They can not be the runner up or the winner of most fights in the Royal Rumble.



Borellus de Castres as the runner-up gets to pick any two games for himself, please message me what games you want.

Rolly won the most fights in the Royal Rumble but as the champion is ineligible for this prize.

 

Superdupont and Mors the Plaguebearer with 4 wins each are therefore the winners of most fights won in the Royal Rumble and get to pick one game each, please message me what game you want.

One player is to be picked at random to win a game, this will happen after Rolly has nominated his two favourite characters to win a game.

Once this is completed we will move onto the next phase of prize collecting.

Rolly picks his two favorite fighters and Doc picks a random winner

argamasa (Rolly's manager) reports:

"With great power comes great responsibility."

Well son, said Rock, you have fought honorably and your mom would be proud. So you must pick two mates to up the stand. What's your choice, why not a cat?

Oh, there were too many that it's impossible to decide which is more purrrrfect and meeewcute.

Now that's Rolly two character selection:



Colonel Ben K'Neill , is has been a great fun follow the little space stories, and the character is cool.



Radaggarb the Unclean, his battles has been the most dirty of all of them. I would like to erase it of my mind. ;)

Thanks Doc for all the entertainment you give us! And thanks for this great community, you rules!

*  *  *

After Rolly nominated his two favourite characters, Doc0075 said:

Thank you, I can now put everyones number into random.org and pick my random winner, who is - (25) Aqua.

The last prizes are delivered. More paintings. More comments and reactions.
(Sep. 23-27, 2022)

COMBATANTS

001 - 010

001. FIGHTER: VRincent-van-GOG - MANAGER: Mister.Wolf

(click to enlarge)

He is a humanoid-shaped Steampunk robot, with painting and sculpting tools as hands (these can change between brushes, water jar, color palette, chisel, according to what is needed in the moment). His mind is powered by the A.I. art generator DALL-E, granting him the capacity for all human-known art-styles and variations. And his superpower? Well, with these body and mind tools, he can make complex digital works of art come to real life, using them to fight for him! As fighting creations go, he gives preference to painting game characters from the gaming platform which gives him his last name (sometimes even... fanfic versions)!

If all else fails, well, he can always poke enemies in the eyes with a brush or chisel ^^'

His main weakness is complex language, which put him in a "pending response" status while he analyses what is being requested. Additional RAM and computing power can help to overcome this, minimizing his response time. Rust can also be a big issue, being made in steampunk style, but nothing a bit of oil on the gears cannot fix (time to paint a jar of oil in artistic still-life genre, surrounded by apples and flowers, in the style of Paul Cézanne).

*  *  *

The following takes place after the Fight Club tournament ended:

EPILOGUE: The Memory That Stood

As all the activity in the once-bustling arena died down, dust begins to settle anew. Falling slowly with a peace that place had not long known, settling gently over all the chaos and destruction that once took place there. The passing seasons slowly re-writing what had been, Nature itself reclaiming authorship over the hubris of the artificial.

Beyond the scars delivered to the land, in time nothing would be left and none would know, gone those who stood witness to all the blood, sweat, and assorted slimey substances that a brave few had put into all of it at the behest of the shadowy one.

None, save for a vibrant painting, mysteriously propped up with a privileged view of the center space, its hues contrasting sharply against the now dominant greens and yellows of ravaged wilderness. An object that stood, long after everything else had been remade or torn down. An unsolvable enigma, for any who would ever chance upon such a sight in the middle of nothing.

Time would never degrade it, for it had been created by powerful magic. And its memory would never fade, for deep within it resided the sentience of VRincent-van-Gog. He would forever reminisce, his bionic mind unbothered by the passage of time, though not a word of it would ever again be spoken.

And while the eternal spark lasted, the fleeting passage and deeds of all those who were there would not have been in vain, ever alive in thought.

*  *  *

COMBAT
(R1) vs (68) Neptun

002. FIGHTER: Catpain Petcool aka Patcool - MANAGER: Oddeus

(click to enlarge)

The diksletic grand-brother-in-law of a previous Fight Club- participant. Like his relative, he is an anthropomorphic cat. He has a bowl cut, a squinting eye and two huge upper incisors.

He is quite good in throwing knives, since he doesn't know which end is the dangerous one. For the same reason he can't use firearms.
He works as machete juggler in a Asian snack bar. They don't pay him well, so he depends on donations of dressing material from the customers.

Besides that, he has some talent in chemistry, because all the illegible chemical names reshuffle before his eyes into meaningful words. Because of that he can make ovenless brownies by mixing arbitrary cleaning agents.

His only weakness are words with more than three letters, the aforementioned firearms and stressful situations.

COMBAT
(R1) vs (31) Katmeleonpus

003. FIGHTER: 1H1K-EZ9000 - MANAGER: phaolo

(click to enlarge)

Robotic space warship codename 1H1K-EZ9000.
It's controlled by an advanced AI and it was fundamental for Earth to finally defeat the ruthless (and rude) alien invaders from the Tadpole Galaxy.

However, it was eventually deemed as dangerous and marked for destruction by terrans, once a G0gl3 employee discovered that it developed full sentience.
Since the ship refused to surrender and also proved to be really impossible to defeat in combat, humans decided to employ a prototype weapon to render it harmless: the giant space miniaturizer Elon7 (former name Helios7).

The weapon actually worked! But.. it also horribly malfunctioned by exhausting 12% of the Sun's energy. And it didn't even reach its full purpose.

1H1K-EZ9000 was indeed shrinked to the size of a pea, but all its functions remained intact (even if reduced), from its everlasting warp reactor to its energy shield and weapons, which could still cause anti-matter explosions the size of a skyscraper or cut through steel like a small class11 laser.

But catching a lightspeed-moving dangerous grey dot in space was even less feasible than before, so terrans eventually gave up.
After all, the ship really just wanted to mind its own business.. it was just defending itself!
Luckily for it, the humans never discovered that the Tadpolians found a weakness in its code, just before being wiped out..

And so, 1H1K-EZ9000's journey in space began. And it was incredible, and it lasted eons.
Until one day the ship reached the planet Doc0075 and it decided to enter the Royal Rumble for fun.

COMBAT
(R1) vs (49) Coral
Voted back into the tournament.
(R2) vs (68) Neptun

004. FIGHTER: Gerald of Red Deer - MANAGER: ThatGuyWithTheThing

(click to enlarge)

Prepare to be crushed by Gerald of Red Deer (Alberta, Canada).This saltwater fisherman in landlocked Red Deer is the sole reason the city sleeps soundly at night. He claims he can talk to fish, but that doesn't mean they talk back. He's never fished in his life, and yet has two fishing rods; one for saltwater and one for lakes. His greatest weakness is his allergy to fish, shellfish, crustaceans, and politicians, but that doesn't make him any less menacing. He hopes to become a fishmonger one day if he manages to overcome his allergies. Be careful not to anger him; especially with expressions such as "something fishy's going on," or, "plenty of fish in the sea".

COMBAT
(R1) vs (62) Skeletinio

005. FIGHTER: Beldarion - MANAGER: Lone_Scout

(click to enlarge)

The gates of the arena open to give way to a dark-skinned bald mercenary. Some people among the public can recognize the stern look of his face. He is no other than the veteran warrior Beldarion, looking for trouble once again.

Equipment:
He wears a worn chainmail and a magical ring of fire resistance. Unsheathed in his right hand he wields the only thing he trusts and loves in this world: His magical fiery bastard sword Waihyra.
He is also carrying an old book. Beldarion can't stand reading a single page and is convinced that it's somehow jinxed, but has found throwing it into his opponents' faces quite a useful trick in combat.

Advantages: A fearsome and skilled fighter, very resistant, and also quite charismatic (in the rare occasions when he is in a good mood). Magical equipment makes him even more dangerous.

Disadvantages: He is greedy, ruthless and quick-tempered. Also a bit superstitious. Age is starting to take a toll on his bones.

COMBAT
(R1) vs (16) Captain Whiskers
(R2) vs (22) Colonel Ben K'Neill

006. FIGHTER: Lucy - MANAGER: gogtrial34987

(click to enlarge)

In her own words:

"My name is... Lucy. I am a fat louse who once upon a time lived through a bizarre magical Incident resulting from a small chest filled to the brim with magical rings and pendants being shaken about just a bit too hard as the Dwarven Brigand Og'rialt had to hastily leave the inn he was staying at through a second floor window. This magical Incident resulted in me gaining sentience, self-awareness, the ability to communicate psychically, magic resistance and even a small but inconsistent ability for casting cantrips."

"Og'rialt's beard provided my home for most of my existence, both before and after the Incident (once Og'rialt learned of my newfound abilities, we came to an understanding whereby he graciously stopped washing his beard to make it a more pleasant home for me), but nearly a year ago I grew bored of him sitting around in a dark tunnel waiting for a suspected shadowy director to show himself - all based on a very tenuous connection to a shadowy ringmaster who once made Og'rialt fight for his own amusement. As such, I struck out into the world to have some adventures of my own."

"The adventures I had were quite worthwhile, but hitching rides in the hair of random people, I've come to miss Og'rialt's comfy and familiar beard, and long to return to it. Trying to make my way back to him, I hitched a ride in the hair of the human warrior Beldarion (as he is bald, I found this even more unpleasant than my usual rides) - sadly completely unaware of his name and his earlier association to Og'rialt, as otherwise I'd have introduced myself - and have now unexpectedly found myself here, in the very ring which Og'rialt so often described to me. I intend to uncover the truth of everything which Og'rialt suspected, so that when I return to him, I can finally get him to leave that dark tunnel."

"Advantages: being a magic resistant louse with the ability to cast cantrips
Disadvantages: being a louse, not being actually any good at magic"

COMBAT
(R1) vs (48) Shroomy
Voted back into the tournament.
(R2) vs (86) Glorqon

007. FIGHTER: Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner - MANAGER: pkk234

(click to enlarge)

Basically this but the size of a semi.

Powers: All powers a semi would have, like running over stuff and honking really loudly.
Marge can also sweep your dirty ass off your feet. Then dump you somewhere.
OR Marge can dump all the eraser shavings on top of you.

May possibly transform into a Robot with two bigass brooms.
Probably a Decepticon.

I guess Marge's weakness would be running out of gas and potholes.
Also roundabouts and small tunnels.

COMBAT
(R1) vs (51) fiery Marble8
(R2) vs (37) Radaggarb the Unclean
(R3 - Royal Rumble)
  * Was the last to enter the ring, together with (16) Captain Whiskers, (81) Rude Rooster, (10) Vasily and (35) P-AE00FF
  vs (35) P-AE00FF

008. FIGHTER: Lenny The Backup Superhero - MANAGER: Sulibor

(click to enlarge)

You knew those days, cat is stuck helplessly on tree, mad scientist is threading the world and you just do not want to or cannot put your superhero jumpsuit on (one piece of apple pie too much, I guess). Luckily you can count on Lenny the Backup Superhero, he’s got you covered.

Strengths:
“Master Impersonator”. To do his job as Backup Superhero, Lenny is able to impersonate quickly and accurately anyone, even acquiring – to some extent - their skills and abilities. Lenny is able to impersonate his adversary or anyone from audience and partially replicate one of the superpowers they posses.

“I know some guys…” Actually Lenny knows a lot of guys. He helped most of the superheroes on numerous occasions and they are more than welcome to return favor. Lenny is able to call and immediately summon any superhero from his phone’s contact list.

“Hunted by Disney’s Legal Team” Impersonating superheroes brought on Lenny attention of Disney’s Legal Team. They are actually among the audience scanning surroundings for any action or reference that could infringement Disney’s IPs (basically anything). Legal team is able to instantaneously produce cease and desist letter for IP infringement for Lenny’s adversaries, resulting in critical failure of their current action.

Weaknesses:
“How do you work this thing, again?” Unfortunately Lenny is not tech savvy. Mobiles do not like Lenny and Lenny does not like mobiles. Sometimes instead calling Superman he can, by mistake summon Pete, the friendly plumber or other - not so super – everyday hero.

“Distraction, dis.. what was I…?” Lenny’s attention span is quite short and he gets distracted easily. This can result in failure of replicated superpower or other mishap.

COMBAT
(R1) vs  (26) Borellus de Castres

009. FIGHTER: Yorzmart Trussme - MANAGER: FrostburnPhoenix

(click to enlarge)

An old elven merchant with a golden left eye, a silver plated tongue, and the ability to convince his opponent's to make absurd trades, such as one's brain for a live grenade.

As for weaknesses, he is utterly terrified of dirt and grime.

COMBAT
(R1) vs   (40) The Dark Horseman

010. FIGHTER: Vasily - MANAGER: Ice_Mage

(click to enlarge)

500 kg (1100 lbs / 78 st) bear that escaped from a top secret soviet lab. His top priorities include evading his former captors and eating salmon.

Strengths
• Bear Hug makes attackers reconsider their violent ways.
• Enhanced Hibernation ensconces Vasily in a hardened shell and heals injuries.
• Laser Vision reduces most things to a smoldering pile of ash.

Weaknesses
• Bear traps
• Evil scientists
• Home invaders who are fussy about the temperature of porridge

COMBAT
(R1) vs (28) Bear Airport
(R2) vs (61) an encyclopedia
(R3 - Royal Rumble)
  * Was the last to enter the ring, together with (16) Captain Whiskers, (81) Rude Rooster, (7) Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner and (35) P-AE00FF
  vs (16) Captain Whiskers
  vs (35) P-AE00FF
  vs (44) Rolly

011 - 020

011. FIGHTER: Julia - MANAGER: InSaintMonoxide

(click to enlarge)

A physically very muscular 6ft1 human female and the protégé of Kayla, the purple monkey which was my character in the last Fight Club.

Because of her great physique and training, Julia is just as capable at outwrestling enemies as Kayla, and better yet, Julia is not as ticklish and therefore an even greater force to be reckoned with. After years of training and meditation, Julia mastered the secret art of Drunken Monkey Kung Fu, which makes her borderline unstoppable in hand to hand combat. In order to unleash this style though, she must first get sufficiently drunk from mandarin orange schnapps. This is also her greatest weakness, as the years of downing bottle after bottle got her addicted specifically to this exact type of liquor to the point where she cannot even smell an actual mandarin orange without getting immediate withdrawal. She also tends to overdrink a little bit which will lead to her rambling incoherent gibberish and dropping unconscious at the most inconvenient time.

COMBAT
(R1) vs (44) Rolly 

012. FIGHTER: Muskito - MANAGER: tag+

(click to enlarge)

It used to be like any regular mosquito: It can fly (annoying buzz included),
feed on blood with its proboscis. Hasn't reproduced yet*1
[*1 - Note from the biographer: Seriously, How could that be scientifically proven?!]

Non ordinary talents:
-Can talk and read in 6 languages
(its mosquito exclusive & universal animal languages included)
English & Spanish certified.

Note: Must scream to be barely heard by humans

-Beyond its own species, Muskito has learned the human logic & thinking processes
since its larva stage.
Even more, its life cycle rhythm adapted*2 to pair the average human life.
Right now its 25 (human) years old. Years well spent not only doing mosquito things
but self-educating getting multiple PhDs on Engineering, Biology and Computer Sciences
[*2 - Note from researchers: Not mutated, Not evolved: Simply adapted]

-Has received military elite training in combat, survival and first aid.
This allowed Muskito to improve its physical strength & speed 300% than an average mosquito.

-It is more than aware of the impact & role of mosquitos on diseases like Zika, Chikungunya, Dengue.

Weaknesses:

-As any anomaly, Nature is not prepared for Muskito's lifestyle.
Ordinary things like clothing and technology are designed for humans, not mosquitos!
This means Muskito is permanently in a DIY duties to overcome / solve / improve daily needs. Hunting/engaging suppliers on its projects and so on.
All its existing inventions are classified. Few closer to it (with perfect eyesight) have reported
to seen Muskito owning a laptop, smartphone, tablet, coat, diving (space?) suits
Some speculate the latest mini drones/robots & nano materials scientific advances
are somehow related to Muskito.

-Discrimination, exclusion, rejection? Just make them double for Muskito.
Better Triple them (at least), as it is also under surveillance by multiple govs & intl agencies
by its knowledge, skills, achievements and contacts

-Muskito's fortune is entirely in crypto (undetermined amount)

-Muskito is totally convinced by the religion dogmas

-Very curiosity & adrenaline driven. This is how Muskito got here.

COMBAT
(R1) vs (76) The Rider Who Wears A Mask
(R2) vs (62) Skeletinio
(R3 - Royal Rumble)
  * Was the seventeenth to enter the ring.
  vs (78) Superdupont

013. FIGHTER: Glenfiddich McCadbury - MANAGER: AB2012

(click to enlarge)

Glenfiddich McCadbury stands proud to avenge his fathers defeat (click to read) the last time around. The product of inheriting dad's chocolatey DNA and a mother who let's just say "liked a bottle of Scotch". Or two. Or 39,274. The teenager's hybrid chocolate / single-malt based DNA has morphed into becoming a new solidified AlcoChoc life form, giving him the power to set anything alight just by breathing on it with his 99% proof breath of doom whilst this time around now learning from his father's mistakes and developing an immunity to all poisons. He wears a bright yellow rain-coat to both distract his enemies and try and mitigate his main weakness which is being doused in soda. "Now, where's that damn bone-footed goblin. I'll get 'im back for ya dad" he shouts as he signs up...

COMBAT
(R1) vs (61) an encyclopedia

014. FIGHTER: Lift Racy - MANAGER: Lifthrasil

(click to enlarge)

The fastest forklift truck in existence. With not only two but four prongs to his fork!

His awesome powers:
- He is amazingly strong and can lift anything
- His prongs are very pointy, so he can fork anything
- He is is very, very fast

His weaknesses:
- Spoons. They are just uncannily unfinished forks and they scare him.
- He needs fuel and nowadays that is a big weakness!
- He is not the brightest ... eh, I mean, his headlights are not the brightest. So he doesn't like to fork in the dark but prefers to leave the lights on.

COMBAT
(R1) vs (52) Tilapia
(R2) vs (78) Superdupont

015. FIGHTER: Louise the Lobster - MANAGER: 51nikopol

(click to enlarge)

The beast from the east! She is a sight to behold with those beady eyes and the long antennas. The claws can crush or give a little pinch. The tail flicks to avoid attacks. The tiny legs....they are just tiny legs!!! She has a dark line running through her that you always have to watch out for. Her tamale turns people green. The row is millions of little baby lobster. The only thing that makes her tremble in her shell is melted butter. She changes color when she is "steamed".

COMBAT
(R1) vs (58) The Circus
(R2) vs (74) Rose The Untamed
(R3 - Royal Rumble)
  * Was the first to enter the ring.
  vs (38) Chatterbox.

016. FIGHTER: Captain Whiskers - MANAGER: Catventurer

(click to enlarge)

He is a small 10lb cat of the ragdoll breed.

His strengths include
- Zoomies
- The ability to hide so thoroughly that you'll think he entered another dimension
- Toxoplasmosis
- Bartonella henselae (cat scratch disease)
- Pasteurella multocida (transmitted through bites)

He has all the typical cat weaknesses, such as:
- going limp if scuffed by the neck
- catnip
- dried tuna flakes
- sardines
- afternoon naps
- lacks opposable thumbs

COMBAT
(R1) vs (5) Beldarion
Voted back into the tournament.
(R2) vs (48) Shroomy
(R3 - Royal Rumble)
  * Was the last to enter the ring, together with (81) Rude Rooster, (10) Vasily, (7) Marge the Mega Mini Cleaner and (35) P-AE00FF
  vs (10) Vasily

017. FIGHTER: Mors the Plaguebearer - MANAGER: Melvinica

(click to enlarge)

A giant rat with sharp teeth and many fleas.

Strengths:

He controls the fleas helping him spread the plague.
He can also call and control swarms of locusts using them to attack his opponents.
When needed he can also fight in close combat with his metal enhanced claws. He is also protected by a light armor. He is quite agile despite being giant and can jump pretty high and far away when attacked.

Weaknesses:

He is allergic to cats not necessarily giant ones, even kittens can make him sneeze uncontrollably .
He has a chocolate addiction that might be used against him.

COMBAT
(R1) vs (66) Nightwave
(R2) vs (82) Unit 14QN9
(R3 - Royal Rumble)
  * Was the second to enter the ring.
  vs (38) Chatterbox
  vs (24) Neo Cat
  vs (50) Fighting for Dummies
  vs (22) Colonel Ben K'Neill
  vs (86) Glorqon